I was having a discussion with a buddy of mine, Conrad, the other day, who had recently become married. We were talking about his newly married life. He opined that it wasn't really much different than life before the big wedding day. Things were the same, mostly. That's when Conrad paused, took a breath and said, “Actually, man, Marriage is weird….”
I listened to Conrad as he went on about the most glaring differences he saw in married life, however, I didn't see that they were terribly different from being in a committed relationship. I mean, sure, the glaring difference is that when you're married, your personal goals become “our goals” and, sure, they probably overlap and it doesn't mean that any one goal goes to the wayside. However, buying that nifty entertainment center turns into “Well, why don't we get a house together?” “Why don't we look at havin' a freakin' baby?” That's natural, of course!
Conrad said something that I quoted in a tweet recently. He was out at a club with his new wife, celebrating his sister-in-law's birthday and they were at the Mayan, out in L.A. Everyone was having a good time, he was dancing his funky whiteness all over the dance floor. What he told me was that when he was there a different feeling and vibe to it. He likened it to going to the grocery store when you already have a enough food.
It was a simple yet powerful analogy.
In my case, I know that I went to bars and clubs, more often than not to meet women. Going there now with a girlfriend in tow does make the experience different in that the thrill of the chase; the approach is gone. However, there is something to be said for not having the pressure to go “hook up” as you're being chided on by your buddies. It's good knowing you have someone to go home with at the end of the night.
I've been a “buyer” at several points in my life, that is, I was in the dating market looking for new model women, so to speak. Sure, there's a lot to like about it, there's a lot of freedom and a lot less responsibility. The flip side to that is being “taken” being “off the market” and that has many merits that many people prefer: Stability, depth, growth as partners, sex on the regular are just a few of these merits.
To truly appreciate something one of two things generally need to happen: Either you have that something take it for granted and then end up losing it. Or you come to a point where you realize that, in spite of all the things that you've been doing up to a certain point, you realize that there's something more to life; something more to discover; a void that needs to be filled.
Until next time guys, don't tell your woman you will batter her in the Flange, if she doesn't get you your beer.