Come Talk to Me Already!
So lately I have been noticing a trend among my single female friends and acquaintances (myself included). The common complaint is often that men just don't seem to approach women as much as we would like. Sometimes we can be into a guy, ready and waiting…..but they just don't seem to get it. And girls, well we enjoy being chased, plain and simple. Generally speaking, women want a man that is confident enough in himself to do the approaching. Recently I was at Trader Joes and the guy behind me was flirting with me and making comments like “maybe you can cook me dinner?” I flirted back and we exchanged some stories and cooking tips and I was hoping he would ask for my number….but he never did! This is what perplexes me…..
why flirt and make comments like that if you have no real interest? While I may never know the answer to this question, I did decide to do some detective work on why men seem to be shying away from approaching woman in general. I asked real men shopping at a Ralph's Grocery Store their view on the subject. By the way, who knew SO many attractive men hang out at Ralphs!?
Be Approachable! I met Jay (32) in the magazine section and he was happy to offer me up his perspective. He mentioned that “having lots of girlfriends” has really helped him to understand women. He said one main reason a guy may not approach a woman is if she is intimidating in any way-too hot, too tall, or too perfect can all apparently threaten or scare some men off. I think this is not the average girl's problem, but there is weight in his words. Girls need to be approachable. Eye contact and a smile can go a long way. In fact every man I spoke to said eye contact is the KEY. Jay even suggested your gaze “for at least 3-4 seconds” to let a man know you are interested in him. He went on to say that if a guy is NOT into you he will not hold your eye contact (good to know).
Last year I actually had a guy friend mention that he noticed that when we would go out I didn't make eye contact or smile at men. He told me that I was coming of as cold and stuck up or that guys could also get the vibe that I had a boyfriend. I quickly began to change my behavior and I did see a difference in men's reactions towards me. So go on girls-look him in the eye and flash your pearly whites!
Where are they Hiding? I also asked men where they would look to meet women. Of course the obvious answer of bars and clubs was at the top of every list. Some of their other answers did surprise me. Yuri (28) listed the Gym and the grocery store…he mentioned that he had even picked up women at the very supermarket we were in. I could tell he had skills at getting chicks by his flirtatious eye contact and the way he was working his Brazilian accent. Yuri also mentioned that when he is out at clubs he will approach a woman if he likes the way she dances…or if she is sending flirty vibes his way on the dance floor. Micah (28 and married) said that when he was single he was more apt to approach a girl if “she was smiling and looked like she was having fun”. He also mentioned that it is less intimidating to approach a woman who is out with a group rather than with one or two girlfriends. Half of the men I spoke with said that parties were at the top of their list for meeting ladies. The beach, driving your car, airplanes (one shared with me his adventure of scoring with a chick on a flight to Cancun), restaurants, happy hour and internet dating sites were all also mentioned
For some reason I have always had this fantasy that I would meet my dream man out in a public place (running errands)….this is why I refuse to run errands in sweats and a t-shirt. However a few of the men stated that they would never look to meet chicks while they are at the store, bank, etc….because they are in too much of a hurry. John (24) cited his busy schedule. He said that when he is running errands he has a one track mind to check off his to do list and he is not interested in meeting people while he does it. So I guess I can start dressing like a bum to the store now….
Overall what I learned from my little experiment is that men need to know you are somewhat interested to approach you. Whether it's some serious eye contact or a friendly smile, this is the sign that gives them the go ahead. They want to approach a girl that is having fun and who seems approachable (not too serious). And if you are looking to meet a guy my advice to you is to drive to the grocery store (preferably a Ralph's in Costa Mesa), pick up some whitening toothpaste, go work out at the gym then hit up happy hour at a restaurant, followed by a flight to Cancun where you can hang out at the beach and then hit up the bars and clubs later…maybe you will even get invited to party. Let me know if you're up for it-Ill come with you!
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I fully concur that we sometimes need a hint. I can be pretty oblivious to this type of thing. Usually I don't pick up on minor flirting, but a couple of times I've thought something was there that wasn't. I have quickly learned to check for a ring!