Bento: a single-portion takeout or home-packed meal common in Japanese cuisine. A traditional bento consists of rice, fish or meat, and one or more pickled or cooked vegetables, usually in a box-shaped container. Containers range from disposable mass produced to hand crafted lacquerware.
Dating is a lot like that, I think. We keep our potential suitors in a “box” because we’re really trying to figure out just where they fit into our lives. Do we put this person into the “I’m gonna tear your clothes off in the back seat” box or do we put them into the “I like you, I’m going to go on five dates with you then screw your brains out” box?
When I was dating and failing all over the place the big topic was the box, usually as it pertains to the women nether-region… No, not the pooper, the front-side, people! Get with the frakkin’ program!!
Typically when I date women I would keep them fairly compartmentalized. You see, I can’t have the gal I’ve dated for only a few weeks mix with my most trusted friends. For it is the most trusted friends that will do their absolute worst to make you look like an asshole. Like that time one of my friends told a girl that I wanted to hook up with that she and I were supposed to be engaged but I broke it off with her because I was afraid of marriage and blah, blah, blah… I didn’t get laid, needless to say.
Another box that I had was my “safe” friends. Those are the ones that you haven’t fully afflicted with your asshole-ish ways and they still tolerate your bullshit. These friends are interesting; they’re not in rehab anymore and aren’t fighting DUIs any longer. These people tend to make you look good in front of your date-mate. These are friends that are good to introduce your date to on the first date, potentially, or after.
The other box of friends that I have (actually there’s two, but I’m just gonna lump them together) is the post-teenage-twenty-now-thirty-something-adventures-in-binge-drinking-squad. These friends are fun in a pinch. If your date is bored and you, like me most times, are completely without a clue as how to please your date sexually, you just cut your losses and drink… A lot. I should state that I am not advocating alcoholism. Totally not true! Alcoholism is dumb! You heard it hear, first!
There was a woman I dated who didn’t really like “just doing it” when she came over. She needed to drink. A lot, before everything went down. I know what you’re thinking “Dude, that girl needed to get wasted before she could do you.” Sure, you might be right in making such an assumption. In fact, you’d be a part of the majority, you see. My point is that sometimes you’re not dating a slump buster… Sometimes YOU ARE the Slump buster.
Don’t judge me, asshole! My mom thinks I’m a hottie! She told me so!