We've all found ourselves on the heel of a breakup – hurting, sad, lonely. Wouldn't a little rebound sex fix all those bad feelings I'm having? When I'm in that position, my sex drive goes into hyperdrive and I start fantasizing about all the people I could be having sex with. I start making a rebound sex list that includes just about every ex (except for the most recent one), most baristas I encounter, friends I've had crushes on, and everyone on OKCupid that has marked casual sex as a preference. Maybe OKCupid should have a “rebound sex” category.
After a breakup, I've routinely turned to Craigslist's Casual Encounters looking for that perfect NSA hookup that will help me fill the void of a recent breakup. Unfortunately most CL ads these days in Women Seeking Men are phishing scams. Ask me how I know.
I'm a big fan of letting the dust settle on a past relationship, regardless of whether I think I'm feeling sad or not. I'm also a big fan of “no contact”after a breakup. No texts, no phone calls, no Facebook, no Instagram. It's the equivalent of ripping the band-aid off quickly rather than slowly ripping that fucker off over the course of months (years in the case of a few of my friends).
Lately I've been pondering the role of rebound sex in my life. What purpose does it serve? Am I fulfilled by casual sex when I'm still grieving a past relationship. Even as the breaker and not the breakee, will casual sex ultimately leave me better or worse for the wear?
It depends. I think there are ways of navigating rebound sex with authenticity, genuineness, and that leaves a fun, fulfilling feeling behind.
Steps On Navigating Rebound Sex With Success:
Be honest with yourself.
If you're so tore up about your ex that you can't sleep, eat, or get out of bed – you're not ready. Take some time to focus on #1 (you) and just heal. The best thing you can do in this situation is surround yourself with friends, healthy food, exercise, and self-care.
Be honest with your partner.
Tell them where you're at, and what your intentions are. If you're feeling frisky and have some sexual energy to get out – be honest. If you're not available for anything more than sex, tell them. If you only want to have sex and not even interested in dinner beforehand, tell them. Let your partner make the decision as to whether or not they want to engage with you in your current condition.
If it starts to feel less than fun, sweet, and sexy – stop.
It's OK for your feelings to change halfway through sex. If sex is bringing up feelings about your ex, it's OK to stop. Tell your partner what is happening for you, and make sure you're not
Do it for the right reasons.
Have rebound sex because you want to feel good, wanted, or because perhaps your last relationship was fairly or totally sexless at the end. Don't have sex with your ex's best friend or sister to get back at them.
That condomless sex you were probably having with your ex partner was awesome, we all know condoms are the equivalent of putting an oven mitt on your dick. That's no excuse not to be safe, protected, and responsible about your sexual health. Wrap it up, and have that conversation about sexual history. Don't know how to bring it up? I wrote about it here.
To read more about having awesome rebound sex, check out Jezebel's article on it here!
Shaun Galanos is the host and producer of The Love Drive. He lives, drives, and writes in San Francisco, CA.
To learn how to easily ask out any woman in 3 easy steps – download his free eBook here
Shaun is a San Francisco dating coach, and host of The Love Drive. He strives to answer today’s questions on sex, love, romance, and dating.
He rarely holds back and often lets his clients know exactly what he thinks. He is passionate about why people do what they do, how they fall in love, why sex is the way sex is, and everything in between.
He’s been described by many of his female friends as borderline creepy, and that’s OK with him.