Confessions of a Jerk: Telling Someone I Was Dead.

I had this friend I met in college.  Super sweet girl and super nice.  She had a huge crush on me and wanted to hang out all the time and she would call me.  All the time.  I was ready to throw her into the sun.  However, I did spend time with her, as friends.  I kept it as non-romantic as possible.  That is, we never went out to romantic places to eat and I never had drinks with her by ourselves and I never invited her over or went over to her place when she was the only one there.  When possible I tried to make group outings with her… That didn't seem to work and I was going to have to go to extreme measures.In spite of my personal ‘safeguards' to keep things platonic she was still wanting more than friendship.  This gal was popping up at my job and I started getting grief from my boss about the situation.  She would call me at home continuously and I started getting grief from my family.  Everywhere I turned there was this person trying very desperately to make something romantic happen.  One day she called me six times and I didn't call her back once.  Well, my cousin was getting angry at me and told me to do something about it.  Well, I was too much of a sissy boy to do what a man needs to do and tell her to leave me alone.  My cousin took things into her own hands at that point and proceeded to answer the phone the next time my friend called.  My cousin told her that I died in  a tragic car crash.  This did not stop my ‘friend' from continuing to call…  After about a week the calls stopped and her car stopped rolling by the house.  I had a whole summer to myself without this girl pestering me…  The next semester of classes came up and as fate would have, this girl and I had the same class together.  Imagine her surprise when she heard my name come up when the professor was doing roll call.  It made for an uncomfortable moment and forced me to deal with this person.  It was clear we could not be friends and things had been made worse because of my immaturity and unwillingness to deal with the situation promptly…

Don't tell people that are into you that you're dead, just tell them you don't want to see them any more.  If that doesn't work, have someone tell them you died when a torpedo struck you in the face.