5 Habits of Effectively Asexual People

Are you shy when it comes to sex?

We talked a little bit about how some people are sexual and how some people are not. There’s nothing wrong with being one or the other. But each has their characteristics and it’s important to know where we stand.

There are a few common traits shared by the loveless and forlorn that I’ve put together, after taking some time to chat with a few people on the topic. Sometimes people actively shun their sexuality; they fear something, they fear the emotions or trouble that often accompanies a sexual relationship; you and I might call that baggage. Other people are utterly clueless and miss the cues thrown their way… Yes, there are people more dense than a redwood…

So where does that leave us? Let's jump into the habits of highly Asexual people.

  • Fierce loyalty – Many times I take note that male friends will not flirt with their boys’ girlfriend. I get that, it’s a respect thing; they don’t want to disrespect their friend by commenting on his girlfriend’s boobs. I’ve been guilty of doing the opposite and recognize it for the douchey thing that it was. That said, many people will take on an asexual approach to dialogue out of respect for their friends.
  • Fierce density – I’ve known some people who are endlessly chided by a member of the desired sex into some sort of sexual depravity. However, they don’t bite! They just won’t play ball to get things going. I’ve had friends that have had women flirting with them, trying to get something going, but they just wouldn’t do anything about it. I’m pulling my hair out from the sidelines, like Chicago Bears Coach, Lovey Smith, screaming at Jay Cutler to fail less at football!
  • Shyness – A person who is shy isn’t necessarily unaware of their sexuality or of sexual tension when it’s right in front of their face. They might be too timid to confront it; they could just to be scared or insecure to grab the “brass punany!” The shy person naturally gravitates away from sexual tension and conversation or they just clam up and stay quiet.
  • The Jokester – This person is funny, hilarious even. When someone attempts to flirt with them or to engage them on a more personal/sexual level, they joke about it. They’ll crack a joke and divert the chemistry, diluting any sexual chemistry that might exist. This was me at one point; this was my hallmark, tell jokes and make it all go away. My first girlfriend, before she was my first girlfriend, proved that her sexuality was nothing to laugh at and made sure I knew she was a woman… That’s another blog post, kids.
  • The “Attention Whore” – This person tries to pull attention on to themselves by pulling away from people, standing in a corner, acting like they’re having a crappy day. Even though they pull away they’re crying “talk to me, engage me, copulate with me” in their head. They are so frustrated, afraid and angry about their inability to express their sexuality that they desperately want someone to pull it out of them. This person makes me want to gouge my eyes out!

In any case it seems to me that it actually takes a lot more effort to contain one’s sexual, innermost, desires. If you think you fall into any one of these categories, I think it would be wise to do something this week to “buck the trend” and report back, let us know what happened. That’s what I’d like to see.

What do you think? Do you know people like this, that you want to shake?

Author Profile

Alex is the founder and managing editor at the Urban Dater. Alex also runs: DigiSavvy, for which he is the co-founder and Principal. Alex has a lot on his mind. Will he ever get it right? If he does, he'll be sure to write.

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  1. The most beautiful man I know is effectively asexual. He chalks it up to being burned in the past/incredibly insecure. Which is amazing – he's so beautiful. The fact that he can't figure his shit out, shake off the past, and wake the F up is like a horrible cruel joke the universe is playing on straight women and gay men everywhere. It's tragic.

  2. I'm guilty of shyness. I guess I'm not sure if it was shyness or fear of rejection. Or both. I wasn't afraid to talk to people, once I got started. It was always that first step for me. It was a doozie. I always envied (in a way) those guys that could/would just walk up and talk to any girl in the room. They didn't always succeed but they didn't always fail, either.

  3. I apologize, but this article shows a fundamental misunderstanding of the term “asexual” unless I happen to be reading it incorrectly, which is implausible. Asexuality is not the lack of sex, but rather the lack of sexual desire. It does not make them dense, immature, or weird in any way. As someone who identifies as asexual, I am disappointed that the egregious misuse of the term asexual was allowed in this article, along with the fact that there appears to be very little in the way of anything regarding asexuality. I am actively offended by the assumption that asexuals are loveless or forlorn, and that we have been classified as attention whores, among other things (for example, density). I suppose I cannot change the article now, but I would advise that the writer work on getting accurate informatio before claiming the things he did in this article.

  4. True story, this is the wrong use of asexual. “In any case it seems to me that it actually takes a lot more effort to contain one’s sexual, innermost, desires.” That might be true for sexual people who are too loyal, dense, shy, etc, but asexual people are not containing any innermost desires. The definition of asexuality is “someone who does not experience sexual attraction.”

  5. Sigh. I concede. I used “Asexual” incorrectly. It’s a fucking dating blog people and I’m also stupid. What the fuck are we expecting here? I know I set the bar low, so don’t get me started! Shit!!

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