Dating 101: Holidays Gifts Women Really Want
1. Get Out of BJ Pass: One night that's selfishly all about us with none of your ulterior motives, you sly dog, you.
2. For you to tell your mom to mind her own damn business. (Voice not quivering and balls not shriveled in fear, please)
3. A plasma that only gets Bravo.
4. Victoria's Secret lingerie that unsnaps at the crotch for the sole purpose of urinating.
5. Someone to follow behind you and clean the crap you leave in the microwave…EVERY SINGLE TIME YOU USE IT.
6. A shield, perhaps from Brookstone, to avert eyes when you commence with The Scratching of The Balls.
7. A sexy, slightly unshaven man to whisper sweet nothings in my ear while you watch porn, Sunday football or the same episode of CSI for the 98th time.
8. Dinner at a restaurant that isn't known for breadsticks, alfredo sauce, all-you-can-eat salad or McAnything.
9. For you to not be an asshole to my girlfriends the two times a quarter I bring you out of your cage.
10. That engagement ring if you'll finally man up and propose. Oh, and don't you dare #$%k it up and get me the wrong one or I'll beat your ass.
*Cole is neither engaged, getting engaged or threatening engagement on anyone….umm..not today anyway. She would like a plasma that gets only Bravo but the rest of this list is merely a dream.