2013 is hiding around the corner, like some asshole kid with a piece of poo wrapped in snow just waiting to ambush someone. Where did 2012 go? What the heck happened?
Time waits for no man… or person, if we accept a truth that women are equal to women. Here on the Urban Dater, women rock. =)
Since becoming single again, I haven't been on many dates, but I've been on a few and given what I've learned from my last relationship I can impart a few lessons learned, wrap it up into a neat little gift-wrapped box of dating resolutions for the new year.
- The World Owes You Nothing — Yowza! That sounds depressing doesn't it? It's not meant to be. A lot of times people wait on the sidelines for “something better” to come along, be it a job, or a concubine or knowledge… Whatever with that shit. That doesn't happen to people like us; with shitty luck. You gotta go out and “get” what you want. If you want to be with someone that has x, y and z, then don't settle for someone with only x and z.If you want to change your career, learn something new. I stopped working in IT and have been freelancing as a front end web developer. I have less money, but I'm a lot happier. None of these things are necessarily easy, but it does take a ‘can-do' attitude and a willingness to push through the shit and get it done.
- Initiate. All the Things — This ties into the above. Don't wait and let life happen to you while you standby as outcomes you have little control over end up ruling your life. If you know you're in a relationship that is going to end for some reason or other, broach the subject. Initiate the discussion.A colleague of mine said something to the effect of “If you don't act like the ‘CEO' on projects you're involved in, then someone else will and things won't go your way.” While that was said in relationship to working on web dev projects, it's also true of every other aspect of one's life, too. That is, if you don't take control of a situation, someone else is going to and you may not like the results. Take the reigns and own the consequences
- Surround yourself with people that build you up — My ex would tell just about anyone that one of the neat-o things about me wasn't really about “me,” per se. She would tell you that I've got some rad-ass friends. Genuinely good people who've got their shit together and generally low in drama and other additives.I've said this before, but as we get older, the quality of things and company we keep becomes more and more important. Don't suffer asshole behavior from people. If someone is prone to drama and is generally unpleasant, don't suffer them. Why? Because it affects your life. It's like wearing a white shirt with a bbq sauce stain on it. People take notice of shit like that. Your significant other certainly will as you get the occasional crazed/inflamed phone call from one of those asshole friends and deal with/cover-up their needless drama.
Put such folks aside and move on. Pour your time into those that will build you up and not those who bring you down.
- Get fit n' shit — I'm still working on this, but getting fit is one thing you can do that affects multiple ares of your life… Stat!! It builds confidence, improves your health, increases your chances of getting leaid aka improving sexual health and activity and a whole host of other things just shy of pixie dust and magical unicorn hair.Having lost 40 some odd lbs. thus far, I've not felt this good in a long time; I perceive that I get more attention from the ladies, though, this has not translated in more dates… =-\ But that's okay. Because as I work on my general fitness, I'm also setting goals for myself. People want someone who is goal-oriented… even if they're not aware of it. No one wants some slug who sits in front of their Macbook, or TV watching Netflix all day. Someone in charge of their body is sexy.
- Build and Create something – There's something to be said for someone who leads a discussion, activity of some sort. Sure, they have some implied level of authority, but that's not what I'm talking about… I mean, not really. Creating something, being in charge of an idea's direction is a good thing. It's intriguing to talk about to people. It invites questions; discussions and other things of interest. It's kind of like building a hobby for yourself. People with hobbies and interests are, well, interesting… Sometimes the only difference between two guys after the same girl is that one plays a guitar… Shallow? Sure. But it happens. That much I can tell you.
What's your dating resolution for 2013? Feel free to share in the comments below.