Oh S#!+, She's Pissed & Angry! Now What!!? 5 Ways to Calm Your Angry Woman.

Yeeeaaaaah.  Angry women.  I'm not gonna lie, I kind of think an angry woman is hot which is why Shannon Daugherty ruled my world for such a long time.  No judgers, damn you!  Anyway, the woman I'm seeing, well, we got into an argument… We ended up “sexing” things out.  Wait!  What?  What is this voodoo you speak of???!  Patience Padawan Learner.  Let me explain…Women; all they want is respect and some courtesy at the end of the day.  So with my girl breathing fire and kicking puppies I knew the next few words out of my mouth needed to be respectful, courteous and appeal to her reasoning.  Telling her to “stop being a bitch and make me some hummus,” in retrospect, is probably what landed me in the hospital for a few hours… That said, here's what I suggest:

1. Own it – That's right, own it.  What I mean is that your woman isn't mad for no reason, she's pissed because of something in particular.  If you try to give her the facts of the situation when she's inflamed she's likely to rip your mandible pecker off and knock you silly with it.  Instead tell her “Okay, okay. Can we talk, I didn't realize that this was such an issue,” or “My bad, I'm sorry, but can we talk about this?” Try to calm her by getting more feedback from her.  The key is to LISTEN!
2. Don't Hulk Up – Women and pissing contests go about as well together as your penis, a water-filled bath tub, and plugged-in electronic appliances; which is to say none of them go together very well at all.  Don't fight fire with fire here.  You will lose and YOU will be the jerk.  Remember that and also, the key from item 1. is to listen and ask her why she feels how she feels.
3. If she wants to be left alone, oblige her – Many times women don't want to deal with whatever is making them angry.  I'm a confrontational person in a relationship, I like to force the action when possible because I think that's a good way to get everything on the table.  This is great if the world worked and thought the way I do… But it doesn't and so I have to check my ego.  When a woman is ready to talk, you'll know.  Respect her imposed solitude.  This one's especially tough because, personally, I want to strike when the iron's hot.  A friend of mine is upset with me, but refuses to talk to me because she's upset.  If she were a guy I'd be over at their place rapping on the door and bust it down, but women are just different…
4. Get specifics – This one can be tricky because she may tell you that you're an asshole and insensitive.  Okay, about what?  We men deal in specifics, esoteric terms.  Ask her questions about how she feels.  There is something specific that she's upset about, unless she's a complete loony.  Just be patient and help her understand that you want to get to the bottom of the issue and work things out. Did you guess that listening helps here?  Well, it does.  Also, I've found from my many years spent in retail management that one clever way to calm people down is to restate their question and say it back to them.  Not only will it show you are listening, but that you are also trying to understand the issues at hand.
5. Sex it out – If you are a brave and bold soul you can try the angry sex experiment.  You'll never know if it's going to work unless you try.  Either this will be a brilliant stroke of genius or she will knee you in the beans and send your sorry ass packing.  That's quite a risk for reward scenario.  I can tell you that I chose the ‘sex it out' scenario… After we were able to talk about things civilly.  Again, use with caution.

So if your woman wants to beat the snot out of you in a violent non sexy way you have a few methods at your disposal.  If they don't work, run like Forrest Gump.