Are you engaged or hoping to find one? Scouring the best dating sites 2021 in the hopes of meeting your match? Marriage is still a goal that many people strive towards, whether they are currently single or in a relationship. While marriage can be an amazing and fulfilling experience, it can also come with some unexpected surprises.
If couples fail to discuss certain important issues, they may discover that they have some shocking incompatibilities further down the line. To avoid this, it is very important to talk about marriage and your expectations for what the future holds. You need to be sure that you and your fiancée are on the same page about certain things. While every marriage story is personal and unique, here are 4 crucial topics that we think couples must talk about before they say their marriage vows.
Why Is It Important to Talk Openly Before Marriage?
Even if you have an arranged marriage, there is a certain level of understanding that you must reach before you commit to spending your life with someone. If you take your marriage vows seriously and don’t want to divorce, it is best to know that you can build a life together. Some couples are fundamentally incompatible on certain issues, but this doesn’t always become clear before the wedding day.
As with most relationship struggles, keeping an open line of communication is key. Communication can help head problems off before they get too serious. So, keep this in mind before you sign that marriage license!
4 Topics You and Your Partner Must Discuss Before Your Marriage
Whether You Want Kids
This may seem obvious, and most couples discuss whether or not they want kids at some point before marriage. However, these conversations can often be very vague and may not translate to real-life decisions. For example, many couples get married to one partner extremely sure they want kids and the other on the fence. The partner who wants kids assumes that their partner will change their mind or make that compromise for the sake of the marriage.
However, this doesn’t always happen. Sometimes the partner who is less sure about kids decides that they don’t want them after all. This can lead to serious conflict and resentment on both sides and can even end marriages. When you have this discussion about kids, make sure that you include questions like, ‘Will you still have children even if I want them more than you?’ Or ‘How much are you prepared to compromise on this issue?’
You may also want to discuss what happens in the case of infertility. Will both partners be happy to adopt? Or will you only agree to have your own biological kids? Even if it doesn’t seem very romantic, it is vital that you discover these things
Money is one of the most common causes of conflict in relationships and marriages. While many couples have a vague financial plan, others fail to discuss money at all before they walk down the aisle. However, this can have deeply negative consequences and can contribute to relationship breakdown later on.
For instance, many partners fail to have an honest conversation about debt before they sign their marriage certificates. This can lead to one partner unknowingly marrying into large amounts of debt that they then become partly responsible for. Another issue is expectations around money.
Do you have a realistic idea of what your partner’s earning power and lifestyle will be like 10 years down the line? Will it cause conflict if your partner doesn’t earn as much or earns a lot more than you? Uncomfortable as they are, these conversations are really worth hashing out before marriage.
Sadly, couples can sometimes drift into a sexless marriage simply because of poor communication. Much of this comes down to mismatched sexual expectations. Although this is a subject that needs maintenance throughout a marriage, it should certainly be discussed before you tie the knot.
It is a good idea to have an open and frank conversation about your sexual compatibility and expectations. This is especially important if you don’t believe in sex before marriage. Just because you aren’t doing it doesn’t mean you shouldn’t be communicating about it.
Discussing whether or not you are currently sexually compatible also allows you to analyze your relationship. Sexual communication can often be used as a barometer to measure how well you communicate about other things. Do you feel loved and wanted by your partner? Do they feel that way with you? Is it possible that, at some point, one of you might want to be more experimental sexually or explore an open marriage? How would you work around this? These types of open conversations can strengthen your bond and help prepare you for marriage.
Sometimes, couples have very different expectations when it comes to spending time together. One member of the couple may require lots of space and alone time, the other may want to be together all day long. This can often come down to simple differences, like one being an extrovert and the other an introvert.
This is an important conversation to have, whether you intend to move in together, get legally married, or have a common-law marriage. Needs about space and boundaries can seriously impact daily living and can cause issues if not discussed. One partner may feel the other is ignoring them, when really they just need space, while the other may feel their boundaries are disrespected.
Make sure that you can talk about the need for alone time without making the other party feel rejected. Similarly, make sure you can address your need for attention without coming across as pushy. This will set you up for wedded bliss.
Making a marriage last can be tough, but open communication makes it easier. Even when you don’t see eye to eye, your partner should be a safe space for you to bring up problems. This will help ensure that your marriage weathers all storms.
How do you and your spouse communicate? Is there anything you wish you’d discussed before marriage? Share your stories in the comments!