Guilt is something that can quickly have an effect on the way you interact with your significant other and may eventually turn into a serious relationship problem. There are many types of guilt that people experience and it’s how you deal with those guilty feelings that can make or break your relationship. If you feel this way, you really need to find the cause of these feelings and deal with them! At one time I was just like you. I felt a great deal of guilt in my relationship and it nearly destroyed the life that I had built with my significant other. How did I deal with it?
I discovered that the guilt that I felt didn’t really have anything to do with my relationship. Rather, I had been carrying it around because of something that had happened to me in the past. I decided to deal with it by facing it head on. When I discussed it with my significant other, we agreed that I should proceed with my own counselling. Then, the two of us worked together to help me to move past my feelings. You can move past your feelings too!
There are many types of guilt, and they include:
Guilt About Involvement or Lack of Involvement: A couple has a baby and the mother gets up with the baby many times during the night. The father goes off to work for the day, but upon returning home from his day at work, he sees the mother looking exhausted on the couch while still dealing with the baby. He feels guilty because he has left her with the baby 24 hours a day and realizes that she may need a break. The solution to this scenario would be for the father to take the baby and allow the mother to have some much-needed rest.
Guilt From Perceived Neglect: If you are in a fresh relationship, you are still getting to know one another, but guilt can play a role in the early stages of dating. What would this kind of guilt look like? A guy and a girl are dating and enjoying each other’s company. The girl quickly starts to develop feelings for the guy, but the guy remains aloof. He carries on with his normal life patterns which do not always involve the girl and when they finally get together once again she has a complete meltdown because he has not been paying enough attention to her. The girl either unintentionally or intentionally makes the guy feel guilty, and it can definitely ruin the relationship because the guy might end up feeling trapped.
Guilt and Jealousy: When one partner constantly feels jealous, the other partner can be made to feel guilty just for living their normal life. This can lead to feelings of resentment and probably the demise of the relationship. If you use guilt to manipulate your partner into getting what you want, you may be driving your relationship into the ground.
In the beginning of a relationship, both parties should have common interests and should enjoy spending time with one another. As the relationship develops, there should be open lines of communication and clearly defined boundaries. If you tend to use guilt to get what you want in your relationships, those relationships are bound to fail. When you make someone feel guilty when there’s no good reason that they should feel that way, they will start feeling resentful towards you. No one wants to constantly be on the defensive for something that is simply your perception.
You need to recognize that if you tend to exhibit patterns of manipulation in your relationships, you need to work on yourself before you get involved with another person. If this is happening in a relationship that you are currently involved in, you need to recognize it and put a stop to it. It is never too late to save your relationship, but you need to recognize that your guilt is the issue.