Like any sport, rebounding requires warm-ups, skills, and moves. Here I will highlight one example of a routine with the wins, mishaps, and the machinery involved.

Intro

Understand the basic terminology: Merriam Webster- to spring back on or as if on collision or impact with another body. Urban Dictionary- “Going from one relationship to the next right away to avoid the pain of a breakup.” This means that a rebound is ultimately bound to end after all the healing is achieved because there was no initial intention of pure romantic intent.

Beginner

  • Warm-up: After a break-up, it is best to EASE into the dating scene. This includes plenty of nights with the boys or gals and any social opportunity conceivable that is not rigidly romantic (but potentially). So this would include a chess club meeting, that Hikers meet up, an art museum visit, the new restaurant opening, that costume party, or even an office outing. Suffocate your schedule with them. You got to build muscle memory no matter how sore you might feel. Suck it up, honey!
  • False start: Once high on desperation and loneliness, this said person runs frantically towards the next breathing romantic interest. Yes, Paul, your neighbor, Sam, your pen-pal, Jimmy, your regular bartender, Richard, your ex’s brother, Tom, your ex’s best friend, or, Tim, your ex. Tread with caution.
  • Field: Dating options should always be perceived to be evaluated in ‘Funnel’ formation. Broad standards exist at first, but ultimately, finer and finer picks appear.

Physical Therapy

  • Home position: type of rebound that resembles your ex in almost every regard. Doppelgangers. That includes sharing the first and/or last name. Same taste in music. Same speed of speech. You get the gist… The major pro is that you can re-experience things you had with your ex and the major con is that you’ll re-experience the potential break-up double fold.
  • Passing shot: the fantastic catch of a guy/girl in all regards, but because of your insurmountable amount of emotional unavailability and current physical location, you never get to flesh out a relationship with them. He/she is most likely from some town hours away or someone you met while on a connecting flight.
  • Forecourt: someone you meet who heals the wounds you had from the earlier relationship but resembles too much of a friend to consider as a long-term romantic relationship. The emotional fluffer; Foreplay for a relationship.
  • Backhand: someone who you were rebounding with who was secretly rebounding with you. Usually one of these parties wants something more than the rebounding later on. If you both do, consider yourself lucky.
  • Ace: when you run into your ex, and you’re looking particularly hot and peppier than ever. Even better when you run into them while you’re with your rebound.
  • Baseline: none of your rebounds are attractive enough in any department personality, physical appeal, lifestyle, character, or chemistry wise. At this time, actions such as crying, feeling regret and self-loathing might spike. Hermit mode and avoidance of all men/women is very common.
  • Carry: when memories of habits, clothing style, mannerisms, food tastes, restaurant choices, date nights, types of weather from the past carry over to your current rebound relationship. Either you succumb to the ‘Home position’ or the ‘Forecourt’ at this point.                                                                                                                               Stage I
  • Penalty: When you fall for your rebound like FALL. Dear, that defeats the purpose of a rebound.
  • Penalty area: When you start realizing that your previous ex-was not even that great and your current rebound beau is so much better.
  • Penalty kick: Either you or both of you end the relationship. And the penalty gets carried out. It’s the punishment of entering a relationship for solely the sake of healing.
  • Red card: The most severe punishment-When you’ve unintentionally fallen harder for your rebound than the person you intentionally wanted to rebound from.
  • Yellow card: You’ve fallen for your rebound, and they don’t know that they’re your rebound.
  • Substitute: Your rebound has fallen for you.
  • Draft: the process in which you collect and select rebounds from online dating websites, friends’ pools, social events, school, work, and your ex’s pools quite proactively. Lasts from anything to 2 weeks to 2 months.
  • Double-dribbling: when you’re rebounding and trying to reconnect with your ex at the same time.
  • Assist: when you’re still not sure if your current rebound will do, so you have this other for sure back-up. Rebound for your rebound. Very cyclic, no?
  • MVP: Your #1 on your list of potential long-term rebounds (Consists of 3-10 members).
  • Chest pass: When you willingly give that part of your heart that your previous ex-did not receive, to the rebound.
  • Free throw: The point of no return in which memories and history with your ex disappears and you take a real shot at the rebound relationship.
  • Foul: When the rebound drops you before you do.
  • Game clock: Keeping score of your emotional availability, desire for intimacy, and ‘Jaded’ meter.
  • Guarding: not opening your heart at all until it really matters. No rebounding at all. A lovely complex symphony of longing, loneliness, and contentment plays.

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Posted by Sarah Suhaimi

Sarah Suhaimi practices 명음 by day and the art of dark chocolate bar swindling by night. She is currently working closely with a local Pittsburgh non-profit that serves sex-trafficked victims, Living in Liberty, as a volunteer and grant proposal writer. She founded the Southeast Asian Student Alliance (SEASA) at her university, and, as well, the "Offer Islam Campaign." Her works vary from prose to poetry to articles. Her published works include, ‘The Home of an Immigrant’s Daughter’ in the Art Catalogue for the 2012 Dublin Biennial, Dublin, Ireland and ‘Hidden Beauty Reveals Itself (Intellect Vs Instinct)’ in the Art Catalogue for the 2011 Florence Biennale VIII, Florence, Italy.

2 Comments

  1. Your comment is awaiting moderation.
    Great info, thanks a lot.

    Reply

    1. Glad to help!

      Reply

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