5 Things I Learned From Women on OkCupid

2-28-2013 11-48-16 AM

You're all a bunch of bitches!

Okay, let me walk that back. No, you're not all bitches. The vast majority of women on OkC are pretty awesome and amazing. Much more so than me. Which gives me a complex. I mean, if women on the OkC are so amazing then what hope do I have of snagging one? For I fail and suck at all things related to life.

Here's my problem. I don't know the difference in when I should use your, you're and, um, yore. I am not well traveled. Things that I have to read, or listen to or look at bore me pretty quickly, so I don't do any of that. I also masturbate way too much. As a result, I have shitty vision and intermediate uveitis that was probably caused by jerking off into my eye while trying to mimic the album cover to Crust's 1991 offering ‘Crust.'

That said, I don't have a lot going for me in any way, shape or form. People. I'm a dick bag-loser hoser… Which leads me to:

5 Things I Learned From Women on OkCupid 

  1. The Majority of OkCupid Women Hate Your Thoughtful Messages – The Carpet Bombing technique WORKS – Yes, it does! I've sent some well thought, short but sweet messages that often go unanswered. The message that has an over 60% rate of reply?  This one: “Hello, I have noticed you here a couple of times . I'd thought I would come over and introduce myself, my name is Alex. What is your name?” – Lame, right? Wrong! Yes, women respond to that message. Which sucks. This serves to tell me that actually reading through a profile is a waste of time. I don't truly believe that; I think it IS important. The waste of time is crafting a thoughtful message that gets NO reply. That, friends, is lame.
  2. imagesWomen are Grammar Nazis – Clearly I have too much time on my hands. But three different days this past month I went on OkC and clicked through 20 profiles each. About 47% of the profiles mentioned a great disdain for men who cannot spell and/or wield the English language properly with their case-in-point being able to correctly use: there, they're and their in sentences. Fuck you! If that is your pet peeve and deal breaker, get a damned boob job you well-manicured jack-ass! It doesn't matter if your standing over there or if your friends over their don't like who yore dating, it just matters that you can convey your thoughts appropriately.
  3. OkC Women Are Mostly Vegetarian… But Not Really – Sigh. I know, I know. Now it just sounds like I'm a petty piece of shit. And I am both of those things, but I hide them well enough… Usually. Ladies, look. Dont' say you're mostly Vegetarian. Don't even say that you avoid red meat or you're Pescatarian. I've seen many a Pescatarian down non-fishy foods… Not only do you annoy real Vegetarians and Vegans, but you are annoying me, too, because I have to listen to Vegetarian and Vegan friends complain about people like that. It's a vicious fucking cycle. Just say: “I eat healthy.” Be done with it, cause no one gives a shit.
  4. OkC Women Like Travel – Nothing wrong with travel. But women on here like to travel. A lot.
  5. OkC Women, in LA, Work in Entertainment or Fashion – Seriously. When I was clicking through the profiles, better than 70% of the women worked in Fashion or Entertainment aka “I'm not from around here.” Not that it matters, because, fuck, I'm not from around here either. It's cool. Whatevs. But I can find little in life less interesting than talking to a woman who drones on about her Entertainment gig. Maybe I sound jaded… Well, shit, I do, but some of the recent dates I've been on have made me consider putting a kibosh on dating women who work in entertainment.  Fashion's okay, though.
  6. Bonus Time: Lists – Yes, I know we all maintain a list. And I've written about these dating list requirements a time or two. I don't like them. But women on here have them like they're going out of style. Yes, be tall; yes, be funny; yes, have a couple tattoos and have a hip/rocker/geeky fashion sense; yes, I don't wear mom pants; yes, I fucking got it, now Smurf off, for Smurf's Sake!
Author Profile

Alex is the founder and managing editor at the Urban Dater. Alex also runs: DigiSavvy, for which he is the co-founder and Principal. Alex has a lot on his mind. Will he ever get it right? If he does, he'll be sure to write.

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  1. Ok love guru. I stumbled upon your site and have an honest question. How does one escape the friendzone? This i a question that has often alluded me.

    So i guess i should ask you. Do u have any friends new or old that you see as potential dating partners? And if so how would u go about possibly persuing a romantic relationship with them?

    My problem is that any female i give a hoot about my game is A++ however the minute i find one awesome enough i shutter and wibble down to bit size bits of kabbibble.

    So how would u go about it. Also the whole kids thing gets brought up alot. I recall reading how u dont want kids personally but enjoy being around them. Im kind of in the same boat. How can you express this without coming off as an ass.

    Hopefully you can help me as i have a friend whom id love to try to date but not sure if im doing it right. Teach me Yoda and i will forever be your Obi won!

    1. Dear Help Mebbe,
      Thanks for the comment and watch for a blog post this week on that very set of questions you pose. Might be two blog posts. I’ve got your back, jack!

  2. In basketball they say, “there’s a reason you’re open” when you complain about not being passed to. When it comes to ladies, there’s a reason they’re on OKCupid. Whatever that reason is, there’s a reason. And much like the reason a bad basketball player is open, it’s not a good reason.

  3. “Get a damned boob job?” Lol. What a strange thing to say. You’ve been around too many white American women. You should travel to other parts of the world- like Lebanon, other parts of the Middle East, or even parts of South Asia- where women don’t need boob jobs and their hourglass figures are actually real!

  4. I was on OkCupid for a few years and here was my strategy –

    1. Realize that it’s a NUMBERS game. Women hate to hear it but it’s true. Sorry ladies but each one of you is just a statistic in the messages/replies metric.
    2. Because it’s a NUMBERS game, you need to maximize your TIME EFFICIENCY. Sorry ladies, but due to response rates your profiles just aren’t worth reading.
    3. Send out a generic open-ended message. Keep this on copy paste. Sorry ladies, but tailored messages don’t get enough return on investment to justify.
    4. After you message a chick, click “Hide” on her profile, so it no longer appears in your matches. Sorry ladies, but you don’t even exist unless you respond.
    5. Message as many women as you can each night.
    6. When she replies, THEN you read her profile.
    7. If she takes more than a week to reply, BLOCK HER.
    8. Exchange numbers/set up a date AS SOON AS POSSIBLE.
    9. The first time she flakes, BLOCK HER and move on.
    10. Get laid as much as you can/want until you find a woman worth sticking with (it’s OkCupid, so you won’t).
    11. If the above still isn’t working for you or you’ve gone through all your matches, delete your profile. The best way men can fix the problem is to vote with their feet. Eventually the ladies will whine that there aren’t any men (“Where have all the men gone?!” is the common refrain).

    1. I like your methodical process. I used something similar while on eHarmony (that was a colossal waste of time and money). Only benefit on eH was no scammers from Nigeria. I have answered a ton of the questions so some of my matches *should* be worthwhile, if they ever bother to reply.

      I’ve run across several women on OKC that were on eH; even sent a “hi how are you” message to a one-time date (I wasnt successful or affluent enough).

      All and all, its just exposure and a tool, nothing more. Don’t see any benefit for the paid service, other than ad removal.

  5. Most of the guys who hit me up have kids. That leaves me wondering, what the f*$& happened? Why aren’t you still in a relationship with their mother? Obviously you were in a relationship and not careful and had one or more “oops” situations which means I can’t say a lot about your choice in women fro the start that you’d be with a chick who wouldn’t know how to protect herself from unwanted pregnancy, or you aren’t good husband/father material and she ditched your ass. A lot of men are on OKC the same as women. Why aren’t YOU in a relationship if you are so good? I, personally, and totally sick of the self pitying male act. I see more guys with a sour attitude about not meeting anyone through online dating than I do women. I am none of the above things you bitch about but conversely, most of the guys I’ve talked to and met actually fit all of the above describers you mention. Maybe the problem is not the women but what you are expecting for how little you have to offer, in reality. Maybe some gold digging shallow bitches are only interested in how rich and successful a guy is… but your devotion to your IT position, start up company or future career in the music industry (haha yeah ok, so what do you do now, sit on your ass and play video games and drink Monster all day when not deejaying at a local bar?) won’t mean you will be a good guy to have in my life. Just saying. Most of what you guys are posting is all this sweet, heart felt nice guy crap and how goal oriented you are. Are you applying for a job or trying to find your soul mate? Make up your mind cause when you finally meet and don’t get laid after the first date you’re history so maybe it was just about the sex all along so you need to rewrite that fake profile.

    A lot of women are bitches and are to take guys for whatever they can get but you’re doing the same thing they are. Hence the allusions to traveling aka finding a sugar daddy to buy me trips to Hawaii type woman. Most of you guys are shopping around for the best of the best of the best without being realistic and when you think you are offering anything in return it’s usually something that should be automatic thus not really warranting any prize. You work? You shower? You aren’t a douche bag? Congratulations, you are a normal guy, because that’s how you should be.

    Are you looking for someone to connect with or someone you intend to show off to your buddies to prove your success as a male by scoring a woman so hot it makes you look like the big winner at long last you always wanted to be when the jocks picked on you in school? Yeah. Deny it all you want but you know your primary goal is how attractive they are. Even if you are a scruff with clearly no education or intellectual ability. If you aren’t capable of correct spelling chances are you aren’t the kind of man who can appreciate stuff your A+++ educated and cultured females do. You’d be out of place among her educated friends who ARE discussing literature and such.

    Stop blaming women for your short comings and expecting that the sun ought to rise and set on your dicks. They mean a lot to you, we get it, just not all that much everyone else. Unless you are sporting a John Holmes size wang and actually know how to work it (in which case we know you’re a man whore and will be screwing around with lots of other women so why bother?) stop acting like women should be eternally turned on by your every effort. When guys today decide to grow the hell up and act like mature men instead of whiny college brats who deserve a cookie for doing what they should just be doing by default… maybe then you should revisit this total experience. Hopefully by then you will have gotten laid and won’t be as bitter.

    Want an exceptional woman? You need to be an exceptional man, genuinely, not a player who has clearly rehearsed the smooth lines. Women also don’t want to waste their time on a player who appears to be trolling OKC for as many hookups as he can get so he can hook up and take off onto the next one. Trust me, we can read through your bull crap easily and all these self help articles on how to deceive female members is proof that it’s just a game for you. I’m sorry to say but if you as a person had any true assets and were truly looking for what you say you are, you wouldn’t need to play games.

    1. I had two “relationships” with women that I met on okcupid. Both were substantially lacking in quality. The first one lasted two years with a woman who had 3 kids with 3 different guys. Needless to say, she cheated and lied constantly. She owed back child support on two of the three kids and acted like she never had them. Finally, when I kicked her out, she stole everything I owned out of my house including my checkbook, which she proceeded to use to steal thousands of dollars out of my bank account. She now lives with an unemployed guy who lives at his mom’s house down the street where she had been cheating for at least 3/4 of the relationship.

      The second girl I dated for several months. She had 4 kids, no job, no car, no money, and absolutely no plans whatsoever at improvement. She lived with a guy that was supposedly her “best friend” and like a “brother” Seemed kinda strange how his dirty clothes were always on the floor in “her” bedroom lol. Even though I never took the relationship seriously from the beginning seeing so many red flags, eventually I just quit talking to her. She was constantly coming up with sob stories about her hard life (none of which was by her own doing apparantly) and trying to borrow money. I got sick of it fast, it was basically the same situation from the previous okcupid girl.

      So it isn’t just men that are on there with less than pure intentions. There’s no shortage of deadbeat whores with trainwrecks for lives women who attempt to portray themselves differently. There’s also no shortage of women who greatly overvalue themselves. These are the ones that won’t reply to your messages. She thinks she’s some kind of a star because she went to college and has pics of herself traveling in Europe. She’s read a library worth of books and doesn’t eat meat. Probably identifies herself as a “feminist” There’s plenty of women on there that are total trash one way or the other. They end up with huge egos because guys are constantly giving them validation and acting like thirsty simps.

      The limited success, if you could call it that, I’ve had from online dating sites was the result of realizing it was a numbers game with poor response rates and just messaging a ton of women. Really I would have been better off in everyway had I just bailed after getting laid and not even considered relationships with any of these women. It’s 2015 not 1947, in what way (other than sex) does a man in today’s world, especially one with significant financial assets, benefit from a “relationship” with a modern western woman? Ask yourself that before you end up losing your home in a divorce, paying alimony, child support, etc. Their attitudes suck, they have short attention spans, their sense of loyalty is non existent, I could go on and on. Unfortuantely these traits seem to be inherent to the female gender these days.

  6. Long reply by dumb c unt above not read. Have been on OKSTUPID (I call it that) and it’s all the SINGLE MOTHERS on there you dumbass. DOUBTFUL there’s any single fathers. And what kinda hypocritical sexist horsesh it is that? So it’s perfectly cool to be a gold digging single mom but not single dad? ROFL

    Women are stupid. OKSTUPID proves that. And yea, most of them are crazy, have creepy self delusions about themselves, typically don’t write back, aren’t enthused with actually MEETIN OR TALKING to any actual guys (probably borderline lesbos on there).

    Now, this is coming, from a guy (me), whose over 6 feet, is good looking (I’m not Brad Pitt, but I’m probably a slightly lesser attractive version of like Cillian Murphy), I have a fairly big penis too (tmi, and Im not trying to brag, simply putting it all in perspective).

    And yet I’ve had zero luck. I didn’t expect to find anyone though. As mentioned above, there’s a REASON single chicks are on those sites. And yes, it’s very different between men and women. Women have a MUCH easier time receiving interest in general, and if they have to resort to online dating, they’re probably a.) cheating, b.) crazy as sh it, c.) gold digging creeps, or d.) insecure, lazy, and looking for attention without any actual interaction.

  7. I currently have four fake female profiles on OKC and it’s fucking hilarious and sad how guys try to interact with women on there. Oh. And you really do suck at spelling. Is it that hard to know the difference between some of the easier words in the English language? Trying to read through this post made me want to cave my head in numerous times because of your shitty attempts at making sense. Just stop.

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