• About
  • Connect
  • Services
  • Advertise
  • Urban Dater on Twitter
  • Urban Dater on Facebook
  • Subscribe to the Urban Dater RSS Feed
  • Urban Dater on Instagram
Explore Close
Menu Close

Categories

Dating & RelationshipsOnline DatingTips & AdviceRelationshipsFor MenAsidesSelfSexFor WomenOpinionDates & DetailsFeaturedUncategorizedDate IdeasSpecialAdvertDating SitesQuestions and AnswersFashionNews

Tags

DatingRelationshipsOnline DatingSexloveadvicedating advicerelationshipdating tipssinglefirst datewomenrelationship adviceromancevalentines dayFor WomendatesFor Menmenobservations

Archives

January 2021 December 2020 November 2020 September 2020 August 2020 July 2020 June 2020 May 2020 April 2020 February 2020 January 2020 December 2019
  • Online Dating
    • Dating Apps
    • Dates & Details
    • For Women
    • For Men
  • Dating & Relationships
    • Fashion
    • Opinion
    • Self
    • Tips & Advice
  • Ask the Urban Dater
  • Sex
    • Adult Dating
    • BDSM
    • Better Sex
    • LGBTQ
    • Love
    • Sexting
  • Write for Us!
  • About
  • Connect
  • Services
  • Advertise
  • Urban Dater on Twitter
  • Urban Dater on Facebook
  • Subscribe to the Urban Dater RSS Feed
  • Urban Dater on Instagram

the Urban Dater

A Blog About Online Dating, Relationships & Sex

  • Online Dating
    • Dating Apps
    • Dates & Details
    • For Women
    • For Men
  • Dating & Relationships
    • Fashion
    • Opinion
    • Self
    • Tips & Advice
  • Ask the Urban Dater
  • Sex
    • Adult Dating
    • BDSM
    • Better Sex
    • LGBTQ
    • Love
    • Sexting
  • Write for Us!
Close
NextDancing In The Rain
  • Explore
  • Menu
  • Menu
Online Dating

Your List Has Gotten Out of Control. A DBAA PSA.

yannibmbr on July 23, 2012
Share This Article
Facebook0Tweet0Pin0
The list

Oh, thar be an asshole with list and pen scurrying about the interwebs, lad…

Just to clear the air, this is a DBaA PSA. WTF? In other words, this is a “Don't Be an Asshole” Public Service Announcement. Over the years I've seen many, many dating profiles. Like, SOOO many! I think that the best use of online dating sites is that you can filter for who you want to date and cut out the crusty undesirables. Win. Right? However, as with any new invention, an asshole comes along and misuses it and causes great angst amongst the population… Case in point: A 5th grader gets a light saber for his birthday. One of those cool ones with the hard plastic that makes sound effects as you wave it around and strike objects with it. It's about as awesome as you can get next to having an actual freaking light saber. Cool. Right? WRONG! You see, this little shit-head decides to start whacking his fellow students. Little shit-head loses the right to have the light saber at school and fucks it up for everyone else now. That asshole kid was out of control… Your dating list of desirables? It's gotten out of control, too!

Our first list comes to us from a female from OkCupid

I’m looking for

  • Guys who like girls
  • Ages 27–33
  • Near me
  • Who are single
  • For new friends, long-term dating, short-term dating, activity partners

Not too shabby. This gal seems like she's pretty cool. Her essay might have caused me to shed tears due to boredom, but that's okay. She likes dudes who are single and wants someone near her. Cool.

Enter the asshole…

You should message me if

You: over 27 and “looks” around MY age, regardless of the number, over 5'8″, somewhat of an artsy- rocker-skater-surfer type (or any combination of), confident, fun, social, healthy & FIT (but not yolked/buff out of your mind) Because I'm on a big health/exercise kick… and you have a job or working towards something BIG in life.

Brownie points if you like NFL Football or look anything like Jared Leto or Chris Hemsworth [Thor] <3 …Negative points if you're a Patriots, Raiders, Cowgirls, or Dodger's fan, or if you have a DUI/arrest that's currently affecting the way you're able to live life socially.

DO NOT MESSAGE ME IF: you do drugs (weed counts too, sorry), smoke, drink a lot (drunk much?), have kids or lingering drama like a CRAZY EX who's not completely out of your life, have a DUI that's affecting your life currently, or only communicates through TEXT. Also, if you can not do a push up or pull up– or have more than 22% body fat… I'm not going to be into you. That's really not asking for much… if I can do it- a man should too (most can).

*Shy/quiet/introverts beware– I may be too strong of a personality for you.

*Probably TMI, BUT– as much as I love my Asian friends & family, to be honest I am NOT attracted to the typical Asian man- sorry just being honest!

O.O
WTF??? Things just took an assholish turn for the worst. Okay. I get it. I, too, am guilty of having an impossible list like this. This girl, she's pretty cute, I do admit. However, she is an asshole. Make no mistake. “Well, hey, she just knows what she wants. What's wrong with that?” YOu're right, there's nothing wrong with knowing what you want. However, the above requirements are extreme and plenty lame. Here's why: She's not going to find someone who even closely hits her requirements. A Raiders fan that looks like Chris Hemsworth? Puhlease! Raiders fans ALL look like either Paula Poundstone or Danny Trejo… or some mutant combination of the two. Sorry Raider Nation, but it's true.

This girl probably gets a shit ton of messages, but she needs to get over herself and her 4-pack abs. Once she does get over herself and then brings it down a notch on her list of requirements I think it would be easier to pick someone off the online dating tree of hookups. Not that she's looking for that. She made that clear. And sorry Mr. Nguyen, she's just not that into you. If you were a buff, young-looking, non-asian, non-patriots, non-raiders fan who can deal with a bitchy personality you might just be okay… Might. Oh and you better be under 22% bodyfat, shitty fat tits. Mmkay?

What should this girl's list look like? How about this:
– Confident guy who can dish it and take it
– Enjoys working out
– Looking for a relationship
– In decent shape

I hope you guys found this useful. So now, when you're out there in the online dating jungle, try not to be an asshole. Your online stalkers and future-conquests will thank you for it. I've got a couple more assholish lists to cover in the coming weeks. Check back soon.

Signup for Our Newsletter

Get Us in Your Inbox!

Online Dating, Sex, and Relationship Advice Tips in Your Inbox…
Follow @theurbandater



Share This Article
Facebook0Tweet0Pin0
  • Posted in: Online Dating
  • Tagged in: list of requirements, Online Dating

Posted by yannibmbr

Alex is the founder, creative director and managing editor at the Urban Dater. Alex also runs his own boutique marketing agency in Orange County, Ca: DigiSavvy. Among his treasured pursuits are bike rides with his girlfriend (don't be perverted, now!), hiking, watching the Portland Trailblazers and the LA Angels. Follow Alex: Twitter | LinkedIn

All Posts
Show comments Hide comments

5 Comments

  1. Goomena July 25, 2012 at 6:57 am

    Hah! You hit the nail right on the head! I can just imagine what type of guy would actually answer something like this – most likely totally arrogant and an asshole himself. Stuff like this turns “normal” guys (that might actually really cater to her tastes) away on the spot.

    Reply

    1. yannibmbr July 27, 2012 at 11:20 am

      It takes an asshole to know an asshole. That’s for sure. The list just floored me. Really.

      Reply

  2. How to Stop Sucking at Match.com | the Urban Dater September 13, 2012 at 4:54 pm

    […] do that… Then find a thumb to sit and spin on and then GTFO!!!! – You maintain a “list.” I shouldn’t even have to say this. But seriously, stop being a turd and […]

    Reply

  3. Vic February 5, 2013 at 1:18 am

    Beyond assholish. Looking forward to your next assholish list haha.

    Reply

  4. Bernd September 23, 2013 at 3:11 pm

    You realize that the initially mentioned list on OkCupid is generated by the system and is likewise for every account?

    Reply

Leave a reply Cancel reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *

Popular

  • 8 Things to Say to Your Ex Who You Still Love
  • A Girl doesn’t Text Back – Use These Texts Instead Of leaving Her Alone
  • What to Say to a Girl You Just Met
  • Men Who Give You Their Number Instead of Taking Yours. ~ Group Post.
  • 7 Tips on How to Give Your Partner Great Phone Sex
  • 3 Questions To Ask Yourself After 3 Months of Dating
  • Why Does He Want to be Friends if He Doesn’t Want to Date You?
  • How to Scratch Someone’s back
  • Seven Things You Should Be Looking For By The Fifth Date
  • Letters to Lovers Lost

Signup for Our Newsletter

Online Dating, Sex and Relationship Advice Tips in Your Inbox...
Follow @theurbandater

Previous
Dancing In The Rain
July 18, 2012
Next
Break Up Advice for Your Booty
July 25, 2012

Let’s Socialize

  • Urban Dater on Twitter
  • Urban Dater on Facebook
  • Subscribe to the Urban Dater RSS Feed
  • Urban Dater on Instagram

General Bullshit

  • About
  • Disclosure Statement
  • Legal
  • Guest Posting
  • Terms and Conditions for Contributors

Archives by Month

© 2021 the Urban Dater by DigiSavvy, Inc. — Proudly Hosted on WP Engine —
  • Urban Dater on Twitter
  • Urban Dater on Facebook
  • Subscribe to the Urban Dater RSS Feed
  • Urban Dater on Instagram
Online Dating

Your List Has Gotten Out of Control. A DBAA PSA.

by yannibmbr time to read: 3 min
Online Dating How to Stop Sucking at Match.com or Other Dating S…
Featured Online Dating by the Numbers
5