I deal with a lot of questions from new singles every day and the one thing that connects them all is a lack of confidence. Their worries when it comes to dating are always centred around what they’re doing wrong or why they’ve failed in the past. This dating game can be hard, and repeated failures will grind anyone down. But the one thing that these people ever realise is that they have a flawed perspective of their self worth. Whether their relationship has just ended or they have been single for a while, the majority of people without partners think that they’re doing something wrong because they haven’t found anyone yet.
The one thing that is true of all singles is that every relationship they’ve had up to that point has failed. But this is true for millions of people around the world, and it’s not because everyone is ‘doing it wrong’. They just haven’t found a completely compatible person–yet!
However, I know this isn’t incredibly helpful to those looking for genuine advice, so I’ve laid out a few pointers that should help you on your journey.
The Only Person You Need is You
Before you go stir-crazy over finding the right guy or gal, your top priority should be making sure you’re at peace with yourself. If you don’t feel complete or whole, filling that void with another person will not make you feel better, at least not in the long-term. Although we often yearn for someone to spend those long, cold nights with, being single isn’t a bad thing. Learning to enjoy your own company will have so many benefits when you come to finding a partner, as when the passion takes over and you’re spending every waking minute together, you’re going to need some alone time to stay sane.
Have No Fear
Worried that online dating isn’t for you? Try it anyway; there are literally millions of happy couples that wouldn’t have met without online dating websites. Heard some horror stories about speed dating? Forget them and see what happens. If you’ve been seeing the wrong people all these years, it might be time to change the way you meet them. What’s the worst that could happen anyway?
Trust Your Instincts
You’re the star of your own show, and the only one who knows the full story. Your friends or family may not like your new partner, but you’re smart enough to make your own decisions. This works both ways too; sometimes your family will warm to someone who you know isn’t good enough for you. Stick to your guns, no matter what anyone says!
Don’t Let Your Past Spoil Your Future
We’ve all been through relationships we’d rather forget. Some of us have been cheated on, lied to, betrayed or simply abandoned, and it’s all too easy to think If I stop trying to meet anyone new, I can’t get hurt again. As true as this is, you’re not just protecting yourself from pain; you’re eliminating any potential for joy. This may make you cringe, but try thinking back to that bad relationship from earlier. Try thinking past the bitter ending and to the good times you had. There will definitely have been laughter, excitement and passion, but these things quickly get forgotten when your last exchange was a huge argument. When you feel strong enough, go back out there and start the hunt again. You’ll get to experience all those positive feelings once again, and hopefully without the sour ending from last time.
Know When to Say Goodbye
Contrary to all the advice you will hear when it comes to dating, I would say the greatest ability you can learn is to know when to end a relationship. Whether it’s after the first two dates when you’ve got no chemistry, or much later when your connection has no signs of recovery, you need to have the foresight to put a partnership out of its misery when the time comes. This may seem harsh, but it’ll save a lot of pain for both of you further down the line.
Don’t Worry, Be Happy
The best piece of advice I give anyone struggling to find a match is to just have fun! Dating is supposed to be an enjoyable, social occasion, not a stressful thing you loathe doing. If you find dinner awkward, go for coffee; if you hate the movies, go to your favourite bar instead. There aren’t any rules when it comes to dating, it’s all about having a good time and getting to know each other.