being nice

via https://i.chzbgr.com

Nice is average, boring, nonthreatening, typical. Nice is never thinking seriously about masculinity, femininity, social norms or what that person want, really wants, out of a relationship. — A Concerned Female

I could end this article right here. But I'm not going to because for far too long and more often than not I hear this from friends: “Women don't want nice guys.” That's utter bullshit. Women don't want pussies, male apologists, men who can't make a fucking decision on dinner; women don't want a dude that's gotta consult mama for each life decision… I mean, that's easy, right? Right?

But, we have this fucked up notion in our society…

Oh Em Gee, Alex. What is it? It's the notion that “being nice” is the decent thing to do. Being nice is the decent thing to do. Say it with me now and say it again. Do you agree with that? Clearly I don't.

A funny thing happened on the way to the discussion as to ‘Why Men Ought to Still Pay for a First Date.‘ A good discussion happened for starters. Why was it good? Because a couple women who commented debunked/challenged the notion of a man paying for a first date just because it's the ‘decent thing to do.'

It got me thinking, though; and readers here know that shit doesn't just happen, you know, me thinking. Society tells men that they should be ‘decent' and ‘nice' and really doesn't put the same expectations on women in that same way; so men need to just be nice and so men generally tend to be ‘nice.' When they're on a date a man will pay (at least the ones who are nice) for a shitty date, or a good date and for every other type of date in between because to do otherwise would mean he's cheap.

Okay, I got sidetracked on first dates and paying, so let's bring it back. Why do nice people suck? We are taught to be kind to our fellow neighbor and I agree that's a good value to impart and live up to. But if you're on a date, why are you being nice for the sake of being nice if you don't much care for the person you're out with? Why be nice to someone who thinks you're a shit head? There's no reason for it; you get trampled on and you end up wasting your time with someone you won't remember in a few days anyway.

Have the Brave Conversations

As the quote above states, “Nice is Boring.” Being nice is safe and it's really just boring because the reality of things is that if you're ‘just being nice' to your date, you're really just bracing for those one or two deal breakers that fuck the whole thing up. A friend of mine, Cole Harmonson, explained to me that when she went on dates, she'd have the kids/religion/marriage aka the triple threat of game-ending convo within a half hour or sooner. This was insane to me. Why? If she though the guy was cute, handsome, charming/funny then why not get to know the fucker? Well, as I learned, you can't do that. Because those turn into relationships that last years and breakdown, horribly for all involved. Being ‘nice' isn't your friend. Having a fucking spine is your friend, however.

If you're a guy that expects your woman to be submissive to you; you're the king of the castle… That's okay. Fuck what society says; if that's YOU then guess what? There's a woman out there that wants you to take charge of her and put her in her place. If you're the kind of guy that replies “ummmm, uhhh, and sits on his thumbs and requires a domineering/opinionated/brassy-broad of a woman guess what? There's a hardcore sundering thunder-cunt of a woman out there for you bubbo! So if you're out with someone that doesn't embody what it is that you want, you don't have to be “nice.” Nice gets you a baby you don't want with a person that you probably didn't want either. “Nice” gets a lifetime of arguing and utter shittiness with someone you'd rather dropkick than have passionate late-night sex with… Some people call this ‘settling.' But I'm not talking about that here.

Now, I'm not saying that “nice” sucks because I'm a good guy who's a dick. I've been “nice” and it DOES suck and people get hurt. But what I've begun to learn is that, while I'm a ‘good person,' I don't have to be nice to someone just because… If my date sucks, the beeyatch can pay her half; again, society can go fuck itself because society isn't paying my bills… I am… Except for those times when I get a sick tax refund from my business… But you get what I'm saying, right? I went on a date with a woman a few weeks ago. She was pretty and she was pretty nonchalant about the whole thing; she wasn't overtly nice; she didn't go out of her way to compliment me or anything… She wasn't nervous to make sure I had a good time; I, on the other hand, did. All of those ‘nice' things I felt like I needed to do them. I didn't. And that date not only lead to nowhere (like a some bridges), but cost me $87 bucks. The monetary value matters a little; but it's not really the point.

The point is that there's no need to be nice for the sake of being nice; it doesn't mean you can just be a dick either; but being ‘fake nice' is dumb, it's boring and it flat out sucks. So here's an exercise: Stop being “nice” for no reason. Be respectful, engage in thoughtful conversation; prod, really ask questions and answer honestly, about all your shitty things. Ask about HER shitty things. See what happens… My guess is that your date will be full of fail, but guess what? If it wasn't a failure then, that relationship would have ended in failure.

Give it a try and thank me later.

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Posted by yannibmbr

Alex is the founder, creative director and managing editor at the Urban Dater. Alex also runs his own boutique marketing agency in Orange County, Ca: DigiSavvy. Among his treasured pursuits are bike rides with his girlfriend (don't be perverted, now!), hiking, watching the Portland Trailblazers and the LA Angels. Follow Alex: Twitter | LinkedIn

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