When Did I Become Such a Fucking Asshole?
I don't know when it happened. Does anybody? Maybe. Maybe I'm just not as self-aware as I pride myself on being. Needless to say, I am an asshole. And it's not news. I mean, shit, I've jokingly and seriously called myself an asshole for years now. YEARS. I can even envision a loop of each time I called myself an asshole or when I was called an asshole by someone else… But I never really believed that I actually was.
Not until now.
I used to be a ‘sweet' guy. Sweet guys were passed over and given high fives by the pretty gals and often overlooked. That's what I thought anyway; at the very least, it's how I felt.
Assholes didn't get ‘stepped' on by other people; assholes stood up for themselves and took less shit from people than Chuck Norris toilet paper. I looked it up!
I can't even remember why or how I got here, to this state of being the asshole that I am today.
Sure, I've been screwed over and hurt. But who hasn't? And some much more so than I have. People with real reasons to have a shitty attitude day in and day out. Life is hard… It's harder for some than for others; but because it's hard to see beyond the end of our noses we forget that some people play life on Extra-Silly-Super-Fucking-Hard and they don't even have a choice. Those are the cards they're deal and play them they must. It's not deep, it's not unfair, it's just life. That's it. However, how many people do you know that have all sorts of shit happen to them and they ‘choose' to not let it bring them down? I know more than a few people like that. I'm not one of em…
Is it about the shitty things that happen to a person? Is it about all the times one gets short changed in life? Does it matter if your parents were absent or unsupportive?
No.
It's about what one does after all of the shittyness has happened. The cliche that goes on about how it's not important about the 10 times you get knocked down, but the 11th time you get back up. Sure, I didn't bother to look up the actual quote. I didn't feel like it. I'm an asshole, remember?
So how does this translate to the Urban Dater? As I've written a few other times, my dating life is been bad. Read: Terri-bad.
I've already recounted the horrors of most of them, so I'm not doing it again. My approach, this time around to dating, has revolved around desperate pissed-offedness… I know that's not a real word, so shut it. Honestly, I'm still Facebook friends with the Ex. She's seeing someone. I've known this would happen. Logically I know it shouldn't matter, yet it does. And I think this has fucked with me more than I wanted to admit.
Yes, I AM, over her. Truly. However, my approach to dating and meeting women has been for the wrong reasons. I'm just looking for nice looking women, not to be with, but to either bring around friends or just to fuck…
Boom. There it is.
A small moment of truth from this asshole. No, I expect no sympathy here. I'm not asking for it. I'd like you to tell me what a fuck head I am, though. Could you do me that kindness? Would you, really?
Life would be easy if we could get bitch slapped whenever we commit a wrong, or do something douchey. But that's not how it works. You take your lumps, apologize where you can, learn and move on.
In my case, because the women I went out with I won't be seeing or hearing from again, there won't be a stream of “sorry that I sucked” messages. Instead, I need to learn. I told you I'm taking a break, right? Well, that's what I need to do. Take a break, think, learn and see where things are at.
Because it's no longer a running joke that I'm an asshole. No, I actually am…
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It’s all about what kind of asshole you are. Almost no one likes a pissed off, jaded, bitter asshole. But LOTS of ladies love the “playful asshole” who can tease them and gently mess with their heads, the asshole who is an asshole because he’s confident and knows what he is (and isn’t) worth.
You don’t have to not be an asshole, you’ve just got to be the right kind of asshole. Good luck; hope your break helps you get in a good headspace. ^-^
It couldn’t possibly hurt, could it? I know what you’re saying is true. I don’t feel that I’m bitter or jaded; I am, however, frustrated and by things that are mostly my doing. Sometimes you’re in the thick of “doing” things that you miss the “why” of it all and need to step back. So that’s kind of what I’m doing…
So. When you gonna write for me? 😉
Apologies, I didn’t mean to ascribe those to you, just to make sure the delineation between “types” of asshole was clear. ^-^ As mentioned in the other post, I have hardly been here long enough to make those kinds of judgements!
Oh goodness, you are serious! Should I simply expand my prior post and submit it via the “write for us” section, I suppose?
Well sometimes, it only takes two dates for some people to make armchair diagnoses of their dates… Just sayin’
And yes, I’m serious about you writing for us. https://theurbandater.com/guest-post. Do it!
I love reading your blog although I have never commented this kind of stuck out with me….
Yes, I AM, over her. Truly. However, my approach to dating and meeting women has been for the wrong reasons. I’m just looking for nice looking women, not to be with, but to either bring around friends or just to fuck…
Although I am the female version. Does this make me an asshole or do double standards apply? I have read about your blog about your detox and hope it helps, look forward to seeing how you get on. Who knows I might give a go 🙂
Hey Ella. I don’t think being a woman at the ame place I’m in makes you an asshole or enforcing a double standard. While it’s “socially less acceptable” I think it’s expected sometimes. Because for some of us, being alone sucks; you realize would you once had, because it’s gone and for some, like us, we try to fill that void, unsuccessfully with wanton sexual acts of sluttiness. Yes, guys can be sluts, too.
And thanks for the note. The detox has been good to me thus far. 😉
You’re an asshole because you don’t care anymore. Same.
From one asshole to another. Thank you!