Oh, did you want an actual article out of this? Okay. Fine. I'll do you a kindness and pull one from the ol' butt hole here.
If you read this blog; if you know me then you know that kids are nonetimes treat for me. That is, while I like kids I don't want any of my own. A fact that has crushed existing and potential relationships alike. I've already talked about this a time or two, so I'm not going to get into the “why” of it all.
I was asked on the Twitter what the best approach was to tell a woman you don't want children. My gut instinct was to tell the guy to say this: “Look it's not that I don't want kids, I just don't want kids with YOU, you see.” Solid stuff right there. Of course, if I guy doesn't want his nuts kicked off of his body that response just doesn't go over well. Trust me.
Here's a couple “Shouldn't-dos”
- Don't wait 2 years to have the “kids” conversation
- Romantically pursue women who have kids already. Dummy.
- Tell a child-wanting woman how bad-ass a father you'd be. You don't want to be a father, so don't effing talk about it.
Here's a couple “Should-dos”
- Have the kids talk during the first few dates. At least see where she stands with them.
- Don't lead a woman on. If you're balls deep into… the relationship (see what I did there?) don't lie. Damage has and will be done. More will be done the longer you wait. Speak true to your heart and say you don't want kids.
I'm guilty of leading a woman on and pursuing women with kids at different points in my life. Sometimes desire and being impulsive really harshes a vibe. But this is who I am. I sometimes act on impulse. I just do. I don't like that I do, but I do.
Pursuing women with kids is a no-no unless the mother i aware of your stance and you both know what the “end game” is. And EVEN IF YOU BOTH know what it is, don't go through with it. Stop in your tracks, both of you should walk away. Feelings have a way of mucking up something that should be simple. It's the nature of the beast, kids. So don't be a douchey dickhead like me and pursue mothers unless you're hyper-really-extra-super-duper sure she's on the same page as you.
With respect to talking about children early on, it's pretty fucking vital and should be taught in classrooms, but it, like the difference between fellatio and sodomy, were not taught to me as a child. Because of this I went into the world lacking some basic knowledge. <– random side-note> You wanna know? Fine. Because I mistook fellatio for sodomy I spent a good half hour telling my best friend how I got sodomized by my girlfriend in a theater and that it was UHmazing. You think that can't possibly be right. But, yeah, it was. And boy it was amazing… Until I realized that I'd been telling people that I've been getting rammed in the pooper by my girlfriend. Sigh. Moving on… <// random side-note>
Welcome back! So, having the conversation early isn't hard. In the early stages it's to everyone's benefit to be blunt. Have the conversation on the first date… Within the first ten minutes if it makes sense. Because if you and your date are on different pages you're wasting each others' time. True, you both could share an amazing life together… for a brief time and then it's over. So unless you're a dick bag and enjoy disposable relationships where the woman doesn't know what's up, you should talk about this early.
In case you needed some help broaching the conversation, I've come up with a few examples sure to get things rolling along.
“I can't wait to have a kid so I can get back into Chuck E. Cheese again!” And keep talking about how you have the best candy. Always.
Talk about your siblings (or lack thereof) and ask: “How big do you see your future family being?” You can always jokingly follow up with: “So, your vagina is a clown care, then? That's a lot of fucking kids.” Seriously, though start with your family, siblings and ask her what type of family she wants and if kids are in the cards for her.
Or just simply ask. Whatever her response, be confident with yours. You're not a sick person; you're not a social pariah; you just don't want kids. And you know what? That's okay. Just because all your friends and family and colleagues think you're weird, that you'll come around doesn't mean anything; because you are one and they are many doesn't mean they're right.
You have ONE, just ONE, chance to live this thing. Live it how you want. Don't apologize for how you feel. Not having kids is okay. I know I don't want them. Do I sometimes see two parents holding the hand of a chubby baby and wonder “what if?” Yeah, you bet. That's normal and I'm okay with my stance. It means that my field of eligible ladies is a lot slimmer; but I'll take it anyway and so should you.