Today we have a new ‘Ask the Urban Dater' question from @majortwitts:

I need your point of view: My ex sent a “hi hope U R OK” msg this morning. This after +5years of no contact whatsoever. My reply:” fine thx… ”  — Why do men do this?

Well, Major Hottie Potottie, there are a number of reasons why exes of your past sometimes pop up.  So what does it mean?

In talking with female friends and my girlfriend on this topic and some of my other male friends, we more or less compiled this list:

  • He was a dick to you and wants to make amends for his jerkish ways – Everyone knows that relationships take a lot of work; they just do. Duh!  Perhaps your ex made you feel like crap and broke up with you buy making you clean their place after a party.  Sometimes they just want to reach out to you because, well, they feel guilty for the crappy way they treated you.
  • They want to reach out and fondle someone – It could be as simple as hormones.  Sure, we break up with people for various reasons.  If none of those reasons are poor sex then game on.  That is, even though you put an ex out of mind, there are those times, when you're needing it, that you've probably thought about your ex doing things to you that are illegal in five states and would win you some amateur porn awards.
  • Why can't we be friends? I've been that guy, reaching out to an ex to maintain a friendship.  It's natural to want to be friends with an ex, provided the terms of the breakup weren't horrid, or they didn't cheat on you or something like that.  Hopefully we make wise choices on those we let into our weird little world.  If they get it and understand it; they understand you and, really, who better to be friends with!  Sure, it doesn't always work that way, but I've maintained communication and friendship with a number of exes as I've grown over the years.

There are a ton of other reasons, like you have something of theirs that they want, but, frankly, no one gives a damn about those things.  If you can, try to maintain an open mind and see how it plays out.  However, if it turns out that this is something that just doesn't work for you, then avoid answering altogether.  However, if you are, in fact, over the ex, then throw some gang signs and say “wassup!”

Stay classy San Diego.

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Posted by yannibmbr

Alex is the founder, creative director and managing editor at the Urban Dater. Alex also runs his own boutique marketing agency in Orange County, Ca: DigiSavvy. Among his treasured pursuits are bike rides with his girlfriend (don't be perverted, now!), hiking, watching the Portland Trailblazers and the LA Angels. Follow Alex: Twitter | LinkedIn


  1. Some great tips, I would also like to add one item. I've found that asking her which she prefers can help with the process. Some women are text centric, others are more phone centric regardless of age.
    .-= Single City Guy´s last blog ..Men Aren’t The Only One’s Who Cheat =-.


  2. It's completely natural as humans to try and figure out why people do things, but you are right, there can be a ton of reasons. We'll never really know why, unless we ask him, but then again, he could lie. I think sometimes we just have to accept that we can never know for sure why people (especially exes) do the things they do – and be at peace with it.
    .-= singlegirlie´s last blog ..I Made the First Move! Kinda. =-.


  3. […] This post was mentioned on Twitter by Taylor Cast, the Urban Dater. the Urban Dater said: Should You Call or Text Her? […]


  4. […] This post was mentioned on Twitter by Taylor Cast. Taylor Cast said: RT @theurbandater Ask the Urban Dater: Why is Your Ex Calling/Texting You? […]


  5. I threw the gang signs hehe and it turned out that he had a "weird" dream about me the other day, so he wondered if I was alright LOL
    For some reason I find that hillarious.
    If he choses to keep in touchwith me I'm OK with that, don't expect anything romantic to come out of that other than renewing an old friendship.

    p.s. the second reason cracked me up! LOL


    1. I think you have your head on right, so I'm not too worried about this guy reaching out to you. Not only that, but you got to guest star in his dreams. =) That means he wants to you "do ya." Okay, maybe not, I just wanted to say "do ya."
      .-= Alex´s last blog ..Time to Put on the Big Boy Pants =-.


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