How not to be a Dick Head


As a dick head, it's hard to sometimes be self-aware of the fact that you're kinda shitty to people. As a fella who's dated around I've learned some things about what I've said that have gotten me into some rough waters and, in retrospect, I know what I might have said instead to lessen my self-imposed burden…

So here's a few scenarios I've been through over the years that I've kinda fucked up on… I'll share the “Alex way” to do things and then the “right way” to do your stuff…

“I've never gone home with a guy for a one night stand before…”

The Alex Way:  It's pretty easy, you get in and you get out and I can call a cab for you after… But I'm also not beyond giving you a ride back to your car.
The right way: No pressure, so don't feel like you have to. But there's some crazy chemistry here and I think we should see where the night takes us…

Simply put: Don't be a douche bag.

“How do you feel about getting more serious about this relationship?”

The Alex Way:  I don't know that I can do serious; I'm kind of seeing someone else so that might get serious, too. Know what I mean?
The right way: I'm just not looking for a committed sort of thing right now

This scenario happened a long while ago. I was dating a couple of women at that point, casually. There was one I was hung up on, the other not so much. The one that wanted to get serious with me was the gal I wasn't as ‘into.' She wanted something more serious; more real. And I shot her down… In the shittiest possible way. The following night I did the same thing with the gal I was interested in. I asked her if she wanted to take that next step… She said nothing for five minutes and we were “just friends” from then on… An asshole always gets his comeuppance. That's the real story here.

“I love that girl's eye makeup. I could do a threesome with you and her. What do you think?”

The Alex Way:  Ya mean it!? *practically pushing my ex off her stool to talk to the vampish bar-maiden.
The right way: I dunno. I've never heard of that working out well; and you give me everything I want anyway…

Your gal might be testing you to see how you react to temptation; I'd obviously failed that test. A woman wants to know that she's taking care of her lover. Make sure she knows just that!

“Do you think my bootie is too big?”

The Alex Way:  A bootie can never too big, only too fine…
The right way: See above

I wasn't trying to woo a girl here. I was working at a record store, in a mall, when this woman with a pretty large posterior, and one of her girlfriends, came into the store. The gal with the large bootie asked me that question randomly. Without missing a beat I gave my answer… She gave me her number right then. While I wasn't interested in anything with this lady, it felt good knowing I'd made her feel good about herself.

So, really, anytime a woman wants to know if something looks good on her think about the above answer or simply saying, you think she looks more sexy in another outfit. Never make a woman feel like shit about her body.

“I think you are so cute and I'd love the chance to go out on one date with you. It would be fun!”

The Alex Way:  That's really sweet, but I'm just not really attracted to you… Sorry.
The right way: I'm really flattered. Thank you! But I just don't see you in that way; I really just see us as friends and I don't want to mess that up.

The truth sucks. But women would rather cope with the truth than reel from your general shittyness. Telling a woman you don't think she's attractive sucks. Don't make a woman feel shitty about herself. Ever… Unless she sorta deserves it, that is.

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Alex is the founder and managing editor at the Urban Dater. Alex also runs: DigiSavvy, for which he is the co-founder and Principal. Alex has a lot on his mind. Will he ever get it right? If he does, he'll be sure to write.

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