Pardon the title of this post. I suppose Friends With Benefits would have worked just as well. Anyway, we'll move forward and call them FWBs for now. Many, if not all, of you know what a Fuck Buddy or friends with benefits are. For those who don't know, or have been living under a rock, here's what the Urban Dictionary defines the F Buddy FWB dynamic as:
Often used to describe two people who use each other solely for sexual gratification and nothing else. Usually this is a sexual relationship that still allows for each partner to seek sexual and emotional relationships with other people (hence, no attachments) but can rely on each other for a quickie or a booty call .
The question I have is this: Does such an arrangement hinder us from moving forward and finding a deeper, more meaningful connection and relationship?Like most things, I think it depends on where a person is at in their life and what they're willing to work at with regard to a relationship. What I'm saying is that there's been times in my life where I'm burned out on relationships, yet it's nice to “have someone” to share a connection with. To be even more blunt, I still wanted to get laid but didn't want the additional work that came along with that, typically reserved for actual relationships.
Obviously that sort of relationship is very one sided. I was happy to be “getting some” and not have to worry about what we'd be doing later on in the day. Things were done. That sort of arrangement is great when both parties are in agreement of what they are after. However, in my experiences, mostly it's been a one way proposition, with me being satisfied and leaving the woman hung out to dry. It's not as though I left the expectation that there would be more, but still, that's a bad deal for the girl. I get easy sex and, well, she doesn't really get anything (I'd like to take this moment to state that she got amazing sex… But I'm not going to BS anyone here, mmkay, I'm sure she'd rate my performance as average or “better than bad.”) for her investment of emotion and time.
People involved in these types of relationships, when they get comfortable with them, can become complacent and sometimes overlook other opportunities for meeting someone special, I think. These low maintenance thrill rides comes with an expense. That expense isn't the morning after pill or what not. No, the price is a chance at something real and sustainable. It's easy.
Even though being in a FWB arrangement “should be” without drama, there's usually enough there to where the other person is on our mind. Sure, probably for the sex part of it. However, attention spent on your FWB is attention taken away from yourself and from meeting other potential mates with whom a chance exists at something more meaningful. This may or may not work for someone. Some people are okay with this arrangement and not being in something serious. Others do not fall into this category and may need something more solid. For those that aren't sure where they fall, then it's probably wise to avoid a Friends With Benefits arrangement.
In short, the whole FWB Fuck Buddy thing is fun and it can be that way as long as that's all that you want, but set the appropriate expectation. However, also realize that you might just be missing out on something more substantial and life changing for the better.
Until next time, don't tell your FWB what your real name is… Ever.