Insomnia Club – Fade to Black

Why Do Women Pull the Fade?
Why Do Women Pull the Fade?

“RUN AWAY, RUN AWAY!!!!! Avert your eyes from the love-spun harlot! Her mere gaze will pierce your will to score with the many women you’ve place in your quiver of poon. Surely it’s a recipe for utter disaster, if you let yourself fall for this girl… Then again, the sex with her is awesome; I have such great chemistry with her. That alone is worth the “price of admission,” no? Then, there are those other women that I could still be hooking up with when I feel like having something different… I mean, you can’t eat Mexican or Chinese every night! Can you? I know I can’t! No, I think I need to hold on to the variety and excitement of living my love life from one night to the next, never quite knowing where the next hookup will come from… Well, shit, what do I do about HER now? I just told her there was no one else and that I really wanted to be with her. Ugh… She’ll get mad; or worse, she’ll start crying and make me feel like an asshole because I don’t want to shop rummage through her wares anymore for free… Dammit, I’m just going to have to bite the bullet and tell her how I feel, so she can move on… Oh! Shit, that’s Darlene… Nice! I’ve been wanting to hookup with that chick for a while now. I can talk to whatsherface later. Yeah, later; that’s the ticket!” – a random male.

It’s natural for you to think that I’ve lost my mind, once again, writing about conversations I seem to be having with only myself… While it’s true I’m a bit of a lunatic, I assure you that the mess you read above is the dialogue that runs through a guy’s when he’s in the process of deciding to stay, run or fade. For the record, I’ve done all of these things. It’s not always easy to understand why a person will pull the fade treatment. Make no mistake, though, both men and women do it!

I, personally, have pulled the fade on women before… I’m not proud of it, but sometimes you don’t want to deal with the shit that goes along with telling a person that you’re just not that into them. I mean, they almost never appreciate your forwardness, at least they don’t appreciate it while you’re still a part of their life. Besides, being up front and telling the truth is le hard! I’ve pulled the fade plenty of times in my dating career. Again, I avoided the tough conversations because, I suppose, I lacked respect and confidence to do what I needed to do; perhaps it’s because I had a ripcord for a spine; who knows, but I needed to grow as a person before I could finally tell people: “No, this isn’t working for me.”

Eventually I did get there; even then I was still not the greatest person at doing it; so says the multi-text breakup message guy. You read that right, yep, I broke up with three women at one time via text. I’m not proud of that; certainly it’s the pinnacle of my asshole-ish ways. Why does a person “fade?” Who knows; maybe it’s your fault, maybe it’s theirs… Does it really matter though? Nope. If a person does fade, it’s so hard to tell what’s going on in their head. It’s impossible to guess; you’re better off making up an excuse for them (which is what we tend to do anyway) and be done with it. The fact is that when a person is ready, they won’t fade. It just doesn’t happen. The hope is that a time comes for that person, in their life, that they learn to become complete and okay with all their “stuff” or “baggage” that they can stay in-focus and not fade-from-scene.

That moment came to me eventually and it allowed me to find love again and I’ve been riding that wave (don’t be perverted, damn you!) ever since, seeing where it takes me. It’s been a fun ride. Fade to black…

This was the second post for the Insomnia Club. If you don't know what it's all about check it out here. This is a fun project that enjoys contributions from a variety of bloggers, from different backgrounds. This month's topic is everyone's favorite topic: “The Fade.” I encourage you to check out the posts on this topic from my other partners in crime, in the Insomnia Club. Links to their sites are below;

Author Profile

Alex is the founder and managing editor at the Urban Dater. Alex also runs: DigiSavvy, for which he is the co-founder and Principal. Alex has a lot on his mind. Will he ever get it right? If he does, he'll be sure to write.

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    1. Oh, the do coconuts migrate line. Lol. I snicker a little bit everytime I hear that. =) Thanks for the kind words, as always, my dear.

      And, yeah, the fuzzy balls DO migrate. Hehe

  1. I think the great point here is for people who are on the receiving end of the Fade:

    "….but I needed to grow as a per­son before I could finally tell peo­ple: 'No, this isn’t work­ing for me.'"

    Regardless of how we all feel about the Fade itself, the bottom line is it's just another reason why you're better off without that person. Period. And be done. We pretend we need "closure" – but I don't know how much more closure you need than someone who can't own their shit, and will bail on you for whatever reason.

    1. Amen, Nickeh B. Who gives a shit why a person fades? It just shows they didn't care enough to break up properly; aka doesn't want to be a part of my life. Move on… They suck.

  2. The times the fade to black was pulled on me I told myself she was a super secret agent and got recalled on a mission of global importance, and she would have told me but she'd have had to kill me.


  3. Great insight to the male perspective of the fade.

    As you pointed out :

    “.…but I needed to grow as a per­son before I could finally tell peo­ple: ‘No, this isn’t work­ing for me.’”

    People, if you have been on the receiving end of the fade – the person who's fading isn't ready for whatever you have going on. As Nikki put it best 'if they don't own their shit' do you really need them in your lives ?

    No one is to blame. Sure, a lot of women would prefer it if that awkward conversation happens so they get closure – I'm sure some guys would like that to. But at the end of the day – do you want a person who fades to really be a part of your life ?

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