The nightclub is a strange place when it comes to social value.
Once you step inside, traditional rules of social status are stuffed in the most superficial cocktail shaker, spun around and spilled completely upside down.
Sexy people now top the social pyramid. Stick-thin models are placed on a pedestal above entrepreneurs, paramedics and computer engineers.
You could be a pediatrician who cures cancer in children, with a sublime sense of humor and a house in the Hollywood hills – but when that bass is pumping and the dance-floor’s thumping, this barely matters. There are different rules to being cool once you’ve stepped beyond the doormen.
Initially, it might seem like you have to be the handsome douche who blows his banknotes on bottles and tables, or the breakdancer with arms and abs designed by Greek gods.
But you don’t. There are certain behaviors that make you shine brighter than these stereotypes in the eyes of every babe at the bar…
Step 1: Have the most fun
If you enter early enough in the evening, it’s easy to forget how fun the club can be.
Throughout the first few hours, you’ll see almost everyone seems to be stifled. People simply speak politely among their own friendship groups.
We all go to bars to let our hair down, dance and maybe meet some cool people, but we’re initially limited by social anxiety. Even the babes and blokes popping expensive bottles are affected. Everyone waits for somebody else to get the party started.
Alcohol plays a role in reducing this early evening anxiety, but it still takes those brave first few people for others to follow.
Everyone is envious of the blokes who aren’t affected by their surroundings. Some may ridicule the lads dancing like idiots, or the charmers chancing their luck with the ladies, but deep down we all admire them. We all want to have fun without fearing what others think.
So, learn to let go and do whatever you want on that dance floor. Sing at the top of your lungs. Play a ridiculous drinking game. Share a stupid joke with a stranger. Be the sociable guy who shows other people it’s OK to have a great time.
Step 2: Approach women
Once you’re in a social mood and spot a sexy girl, go and flirt with her.
Do it properly though… Don’t half-heartedly leave your hand for her to hold. Don’t dry-hump her bum for half an hour (Seriously has this worked for anyone outside of secondary school?). Step up to her like a normal human and say ‘Hi’.
It might sound simple, but the ability to do this will automatically make you one of the coolest men in the club. Most blokes aren’t able to do it without putting on a front, freezing up, or being too drunk to function.
Hotties are so used to being hit on by guys with no game, that they’ll often become attracted just because you’re not intimidated by them.
Step 3: Show empathy
The hottest chicks will often throw tests in the first few minutes of an interaction.
They might be rude or disinterested. They’ll harbor a natural skepticism towards your intentions, as we all do when approached by strangers.
Don’t be offended by these tests. Bear in mind that most hot women will have already been hit on by a handful of assholes. They might have had a hard day. Their high heels might be hurting their feet.
The coolest guy in the club is sympathetic towards these issues. He might flirt, tease and compliment her, but he won’t expect anything in return. He wants nothing other than for her to feel safe and comfortable enough to have a fun time.
He just wants to spread the party. Men who genuinely maintain this mindset will rarely get rejected. The only reason a girl can reject this type of guy is because she’s too grumpy to have a good time.
Step 4: Move the party
The man who is fun, flirtatious and empathetic is likely to be the life of the party.
When the club begins to die down, he might decide to find the nearest diner or put on an after party, and he’ll hardly have to do anything to get girls to tag along.
Girls gravitate to fun and good times. If they feel comfortable and able to have fun around this guy, why would they decline his invite?
So, don’t dither around. Grab the girl you fancy and have a plan of action. Be the guy who keeps the party going when you both get home.
Don’t be afraid to move things forward once you’ve got your girl alone. Step up your flirting, get a bit physical, but always ensure she remains comfortable.
By the time it moves to the bedroom, it’ll be her making the first move.
Joe Elvin is a dating/relationships blogger based in London. His book 'The Thrill Of The Chase', which explains how to truly thrive in singledom, was published in 2017. Download the first chapter for free at eepurl.com/c-cmGP.