• About
  • Connect
  • Services
  • Advertise
  • Urban Dater on Twitter
  • Urban Dater on Facebook
  • Subscribe to the Urban Dater RSS Feed
  • Urban Dater on Instagram
Explore Close
Menu Close

Categories

Dating & RelationshipsOnline DatingTips & AdviceRelationshipsFor MenAsidesSelfSexFor WomenOpinionDates & DetailsFeaturedUncategorizedDate IdeasSpecialAdvertDating SitesQuestions and AnswersFashionNews

Tags

DatingRelationshipsOnline DatingSexloveadvicedating advicerelationshipdating tipssinglefirst datewomenrelationship adviceromancevalentines dayFor WomendatesFor Menmenobservations

Archives

January 2021 December 2020 November 2020 September 2020 August 2020 July 2020 June 2020 May 2020 April 2020 February 2020 January 2020 December 2019
  • Online Dating
    • Dating Apps
    • Dates & Details
    • For Women
    • For Men
  • Dating & Relationships
    • Fashion
    • Opinion
    • Self
    • Tips & Advice
  • Ask the Urban Dater
  • Sex
    • Adult Dating
    • BDSM
    • Better Sex
    • LGBTQ
    • Love
    • Sexting
  • Write for Us!
  • About
  • Connect
  • Services
  • Advertise
  • Urban Dater on Twitter
  • Urban Dater on Facebook
  • Subscribe to the Urban Dater RSS Feed
  • Urban Dater on Instagram

the Urban Dater

A Blog About Online Dating, Relationships & Sex

  • Online Dating
    • Dating Apps
    • Dates & Details
    • For Women
    • For Men
  • Dating & Relationships
    • Fashion
    • Opinion
    • Self
    • Tips & Advice
  • Ask the Urban Dater
  • Sex
    • Adult Dating
    • BDSM
    • Better Sex
    • LGBTQ
    • Love
    • Sexting
  • Write for Us!
Close
NextWe’re Live Tweeting 50 Shades of Grey… Drunk! Aw Yisss!
  • Explore
  • Menu
  • Menu
Dating & RelationshipsFor Men

How to Talk to Attractive Strangers

Joe Elvin on February 18, 2015
Share This Article
Facebook5Tweet0Pin1

thinking man sitting under tree

The butterflies…those twisted evil butterflies. It was those blasted butterflies in my stomach that stopped me getting what I wanted yet again!

Sounds stupid, doesn’t it? But we’ve all been there. How many pretty girls have we let prance out of our lives forever because we were too nervous to say something?

In the heat of the moment, we dream up hundreds of reasons why we shouldn’t introduce ourselves.

Approach Anxiety

Why are we scared of speaking to beautiful girls?

It has been suggested that approach anxiety has been ingrained in man since tribal times–when speaking to the wrong woman would get you brutally murdered.

More likely though, it's due to fear of the unknown or fear of embarrassment, which exists on some level in all humans.

The uncertainty of the situation makes us uncomfortable. Our brain is naturally resistant to anything uncomfortable and will generate reasons not to risk it.

Our brains hate change. They want us to stay the same. Without the will power to push past that, we'd all remain alone.

The Butterfly Effect

Here’s a great exercise to help eliminate these feelings.

Think of your last lover. Of every relationship you've ever made or even the last girl you made laugh. How happy were you at having the balls to say “hi?”

What if you hadn't said hello? It’s scary to think that someone so significant in your life could have remained a complete stranger. How much worse might your life have been if you had made a different decision in that moment? It’s terrifying to consider.

Every fantastic interaction begins with an introduction. Remind yourself of that the next time a true beauty strolls by. You can’t win a raffle without buying a ticket, and this raffle is free to play! You’ve got so much to gain and so little to lose. So go for it!

Take baby steps

The raffle analogy makes chatting up babes seem easy, but some naturally shy guys won't have the strength to step up straight away.

If you're an introvert, you'll need to learn to build your willpower slowly.

Start by speaking to a stranger. Anyone. Ask the time. Find directions. Aim to say ‘hi' to five strangers a day.

Suddenly speaking is not so strange, so practice complimenting people. The first couple will feel cringeworthy, but it will get easier on each occasion. Keep at it. Then, when that stunning woman finally walks past, it won't feel at all alien to say something.

Just like the guy jumping the high dive for the hundredth time, you'll still feel butterflies, but now they're accompanied by ninety-nine memories of nothing bad happening.

Lost for words

Many guys let girls stroll out of their lives because they can’t think what to say.

For starters, there's so much that can happen after an introduction. You don't know what she'll throw at you. She might be super smiley, or really shy and reserved. She might not even speak English, so there's no point overthinking. Go with the flow.

Also, it pays to come from a frame where anything you say is OK. People don't like folks who are trying too hard to think of the best thing.

Whatever happens, you’ll learn a lot more from saying something, than from not. Playing the lottery is more thrilling than not playing the lottery. It’s a lot more exciting being a go-getter. It's those blasted butterflies that make us feel alive!

So go, and you never know, this time the Butterfly Effect might just play in your favour.

Signup for Our Newsletter

Get Us in Your Inbox!

Online Dating, Sex, and Relationship Advice Tips in Your Inbox…
Follow @theurbandater



Share This Article
Facebook5Tweet0Pin1
  • Posted in: Dating & Relationships, For Men
  • Tagged in: Dating, how to talk to attractive strangers, Relationships

Posted by Joe Elvin

Joe Elvin is a dating/relationships blogger based in London. His book 'The Thrill Of The Chase', which explains how to truly thrive in singledom, was published in 2017. Download the first chapter for free at eepurl.com/c-cmGP.

All Posts Website

Popular

  • 8 Things to Say to Your Ex Who You Still Love
  • A Girl doesn’t Text Back – Use These Texts Instead Of leaving Her Alone
  • What to Say to a Girl You Just Met
  • Men Who Give You Their Number Instead of Taking Yours. ~ Group Post.
  • 7 Tips on How to Give Your Partner Great Phone Sex
  • 3 Questions To Ask Yourself After 3 Months of Dating
  • Why Does He Want to be Friends if He Doesn’t Want to Date You?
  • How to Scratch Someone’s back
  • Seven Things You Should Be Looking For By The Fifth Date
  • Letters to Lovers Lost

Signup for Our Newsletter

Online Dating, Sex and Relationship Advice Tips in Your Inbox...
Follow @theurbandater

Previous
We’re Live Tweeting 50 Shades of Grey… Drunk! Aw Yisss!
February 15, 2015
Next
The Aftermath of a Long Distance Fling
February 24, 2015

Let’s Socialize

  • Urban Dater on Twitter
  • Urban Dater on Facebook
  • Subscribe to the Urban Dater RSS Feed
  • Urban Dater on Instagram

General Bullshit

  • About
  • Disclosure Statement
  • Legal
  • Guest Posting
  • Terms and Conditions for Contributors

Archives by Month

© 2021 the Urban Dater by DigiSavvy, Inc. — Proudly Hosted on WP Engine —
  • Urban Dater on Twitter
  • Urban Dater on Facebook
  • Subscribe to the Urban Dater RSS Feed
  • Urban Dater on Instagram
Dating & Relationships

How to Talk to Attractive Strangers

by Joe Elvin time to read: 2 min
Dating & Relationships The Aftermath of a Long Distance Fling
Dating & Relationships 6 Tips to Make Her Valentine’s Day Perfect
0