The butterflies…those twisted evil butterflies. It was those blasted butterflies in my stomach that stopped me getting what I wanted yet again!
Sounds stupid, doesn’t it? But we’ve all been there. How many pretty girls have we let prance out of our lives forever because we were too nervous to say something?
In the heat of the moment, we dream up hundreds of reasons why we shouldn’t introduce ourselves.
Why are we scared of speaking to beautiful girls?
It has been suggested that approach anxiety has been ingrained in man since tribal times–when speaking to the wrong woman would get you brutally murdered.
More likely though, it's due to fear of the unknown or fear of embarrassment, which exists on some level in all humans.
The uncertainty of the situation makes us uncomfortable. Our brain is naturally resistant to anything uncomfortable and will generate reasons not to risk it.
Our brains hate change. They want us to stay the same. Without the will power to push past that, we'd all remain alone.
The Butterfly Effect
Here’s a great exercise to help eliminate these feelings.
Think of your last lover. Of every relationship you've ever made or even the last girl you made laugh. How happy were you at having the balls to say “hi?”
What if you hadn't said hello? It’s scary to think that someone so significant in your life could have remained a complete stranger. How much worse might your life have been if you had made a different decision in that moment? It’s terrifying to consider.
Every fantastic interaction begins with an introduction. Remind yourself of that the next time a true beauty strolls by. You can’t win a raffle without buying a ticket, and this raffle is free to play! You’ve got so much to gain and so little to lose. So go for it!
Take baby steps
The raffle analogy makes chatting up babes seem easy, but some naturally shy guys won't have the strength to step up straight away.
If you're an introvert, you'll need to learn to build your willpower slowly.
Start by speaking to a stranger. Anyone. Ask the time. Find directions. Aim to say ‘hi' to five strangers a day.
Suddenly speaking is not so strange, so practice complimenting people. The first couple will feel cringeworthy, but it will get easier on each occasion. Keep at it. Then, when that stunning woman finally walks past, it won't feel at all alien to say something.
Just like the guy jumping the high dive for the hundredth time, you'll still feel butterflies, but now they're accompanied by ninety-nine memories of nothing bad happening.
Lost for words
Many guys let girls stroll out of their lives because they can’t think what to say.
For starters, there's so much that can happen after an introduction. You don't know what she'll throw at you. She might be super smiley, or really shy and reserved. She might not even speak English, so there's no point overthinking. Go with the flow.
Also, it pays to come from a frame where anything you say is OK. People don't like folks who are trying too hard to think of the best thing.
Whatever happens, you’ll learn a lot more from saying something, than from not. Playing the lottery is more thrilling than not playing the lottery. It’s a lot more exciting being a go-getter. It's those blasted butterflies that make us feel alive!
So go, and you never know, this time the Butterfly Effect might just play in your favour.
Joe Elvin is a dating/relationships blogger based in London. His book 'The Thrill Of The Chase', which explains how to truly thrive in singledom, was published in 2017. Download the first chapter for free at eepurl.com/c-cmGP.