Are we compatible? Where is this going? The level of chemistry you have with your partner may be difficult to gauge objectively, but certain fact checking can obliterate all this confusion. So before you boil over, here are seven sure-fire ways to slyly test your compatibility.
1. Numbers Game
I put this first because numbers are the most objective form of data you can rely on. They are also the easiest to measure. Pay attention to important frequencies while on this dating journey. For example, some good ones to count are…number of times either party has canceled, number of dates per week/month, number of texts a day, number of times he/she has mentioned their friends or family, number of times they mention that promotion thing at work that was sooo major and well-deserved by them. Both high and low outliers should be paid attention to. If he knows 12 types of pizza bread, then he must be quite a foodie. If she asked 5 times in the last 30 minutes if her hair looks good, she might be pre-occupied with her appearance. And if he has had only one friend in his entire youth, he’s no socialite.
2. Translation Task
Words, words, words. What you say can say loads about your identity. Does he curse a lot? Do all of her sentences include at least three SAT-words? Studies have shown that couples adapt highly in the beginning stages of dating to promote compatibility. Researchers have also shown that relationship success can be predicted early on by how similar speech patterns are between partners. Check simply the number of “I’s” and “You’s” you both consecutively use.
Words also convey the level, scope, and focus of one’s intellectual pursuits. If he loves politics, he’ll refer to news articles often. If she’s poetic, she’ll love to use flowery and romantic language. I am the later. So every so often, I ask a date to read a piece of my poetry to see their level of imagination or simply, thirst for creativity. And if all they do is react with a quaint, “It’s cool,” something’s off.
3. Hot Mess Test
This can be a major determining factor. A good partner will be there for you as much in the good times as in the bad times. Show up one day in sweats and no make-up. Complain about a fight you had with a colleague. Spill about the mishap at work. Slack a little. How your date reacts to your slight “flaw” will tell loads.
4. The X Factor
Cringy but necessary. It might take awhile for the X-files to crop up. But when they do, be extra alert. I was once told that I reminded him of his ex. And it wasn’t good to interpret in any way. It indicated probably that he did not get over his ex adequately and it didn’t end well with his ex obviously, so I’d be a repeat failed relationship. The past is not the most important thing but the level of attachment your date has to his or her past is.
5. Power Struggle
In the course of any dating relationship, there will come a time where either party will start to assert their needs and demands. To test chemistry, you should pay attention to not equality but equity. Aside from individual differences, I prescribe to the idea of masculinity involving assertiveness, control, and initiative taking while the idea of femininity includes amiability, nurture, and reception. I, however, believe these concepts are extremely malleable in that I can find myself at times being more “masculine” in the relationship.
In order to test this, you have to see where each party is vulnerable and powerful. He might drive the direction of the relationship while she takes hold of the speed. She might insist on always paying dutch while he initiates all the dates. When you’re really compatible, you’ll find roles that both parties are comfortable to slip in.
This is the external data that might be superfluous in the beginning but begins to be more apparent in its significance as time goes on. Religion, politics, money, and sex drive. Nationality, race, background, upbringing, and lifestyle. Education, the level of ambition, and age. Physical, social, and mental health. Personality and humor. Levels of affection, commitment, life experience, and long-term/short-term goals. Half of these can be accessed very quickly while the other you need to gradually observe.
7. Field trip
This is any physical, social, or mental leap you take to test the horizons of your current relationship. If you are craving more affection, crank up the heat and don’t be afraid to escalate a little more physically. If you’re wondering if your beau can merge with the more integral parts of your daily life (and vice versa), invite them to a work event, ask them to join you on your camping trip, or crash their casual friend outing.Sometimes, it can be as random as seeing how they react to that specific joke ridden with your personal type of dark humor. How does she feel about your antique collection of mint comics? Can she join you on your 5K marathons?
It’ll show when you make these leaps. One time, I surprised a guy at work with some homemade cookies to cheer him up. Said the cookies were delicious… BUT didn’t like “mixing work with personal life”; it showed me that he was definitely compartmentalizing. If they’re not making leaps, it’ll show as well. A guy kept calling his friends ‘M’ and ‘J’ instead of their full names. I didn’t ever meet his friends. Go figure.
And if none of these seven ways lead to much objectivity, you can always get really technical…
L = 8 + .5Y – .2P + .9Hm + .3Mf + J – .3G – .5(Sm – Sf)2 + I + 1.5C