50 First Online Dates (And What I Learned)

Online dating is a mass opportunity and with it, comes losses and wins of equal measure. Sprinkle some crazy into that too.

Date 12- When a guy says he’ll come and meet with you when he’s four hours away, take CAUTION. Also, if that doesn’t make you think twice, his emotionally-charged and psychedelic messages will: “The tiles glistened under the bathroom light. I like doing push-ups. 375. But I need to watch my weight.” As I expected, he canceled and to my sweet relief.

Date 3- Location is everything. Someone picked to go ice-skating for the first date for a change. It also helped that he just came from work and was still wearing his uniform. Extra points for extra sexiness.

Date 47- Don’t tell me about your medical conditions on the first date. Yes, that includes, “I’m losing hair profusely” and “I have to use a cane sometimes when I walk for too long.”

Date 48- Online dating is also a quick way to get flings especially for the summer or weekend getaways. If you decide to fling, fling all the way! I once decided to meet a guy who clearly advertised he was in an open relationship aka polyamorous. LOADS OF FUN. No pressure and no expectations. I was doing a summer college program at the time, and we decided to play some ‘hooky’, play make-shift checkers, and go on a Grocery Giant Eagles picnic. The most fun I’ve ever had on a date. Period.

Date 15- It works in reverse too. Make sure to know a head of time if the guy you’ve been gushing over is not visiting your town temporarily. This can range from 4 weeks to 2 days! I once met a guy who said he had to leave suddenly for a family emergency in Iran when he originally intended to stay in the US for at least a month.

Date 9- Make sure to understand and read the things under Status/Orientation on profiles. Also, be vigilant because the terms “demisexual” “genderfluid” “open relationship” and “poly” really matter. I made the tragic mistake of dating someone for two months who I thought was perfect in every regard, too perfect, until I suddenly realized that ‘poly’ meant dating multiple people as opposed to admiring multiple people. Took me half a year to get over it…

Date 22- Was suppose to be. Don’t ask a girl for more pictures when she has put plenty already online. It comes off as really shallow. I blew off at least 3 guys for that same reason. Dare I say, it’s equivalent to me asking a guy for what position he holds in a company right off the bat.

Date 13- You are not your possessions. I once went on a date with someone who emphasized over and over again about his successful career endeavors- the grant he won, the classy friends he gained, or the car he just bought. I felt like I was in a commercial. Show me that your value as a person is multi-faceted. Now, THAT sells.

Date 25- Be wary of the location of your prospects. I didn’t have a successful date with someone, and the run-in at the bus-stop and pharmacy was not short of intense awkward.

Date 32- If you’re trying to impress a girl who’s a poet and you can’t identify who Edgar Allan Poe is, just DON’T. He tried writing me some couplets after only one date: “You were like a fairy, and it was so merry. I felt like such a fool ‘cause you made me drool.” Barf.

Date 29- Coffee shop. Perfect first date choice. My go-to for online dates. Can move to lunch/dinner if successful or to a quick scheduled appointment if not so successful. Finish the coffee and get moving!

Author Profile

Sarah Suhaimi practices 명음 by day and the art of dark chocolate bar swindling by night. She is currently working closely with a local Pittsburgh non-profit that serves sex-trafficked victims, Living in Liberty, as a volunteer and grant proposal writer. She founded the Southeast Asian Student Alliance (SEASA) at her university, and, as well, the "Offer Islam Campaign." Her works vary from prose to poetry to articles. Her published works include, ‘The Home of an Immigrant’s Daughter’ in the Art Catalogue for the 2012 Dublin Biennial, Dublin, Ireland and ‘Hidden Beauty Reveals Itself (Intellect Vs Instinct)’ in the Art Catalogue for the 2011 Florence Biennale VIII, Florence, Italy.

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