I’m a sporadic Tinder user. I’ve deleted it twice so far. You think having to say no so many times is fun? Not really. So instead of liking a funny comic strip that guys on Tinder get no love, I’m going to ask you to take a minute to find out why you’re getting rejected.

I’m not saying I have a perfect score when it comes to matching. I don’t. No one matches with everyone. Not everyone you get matched to initiates a conversation. Not everyone keeps the conversation going.

But with the guys that I do like, I get quite a few matches.

If you have bad luck on Tinder, chances are you are making at least several of these mistakes:

1. You don’t have a picture. I don’t assume you are ugly. I assume you are a wanted criminal or the laziest person ever. Or you are married. Either way, no thanks. It takes one minute, dude!

2. You have a couple of pictures, but you have managed to use all tricks to known to men. One with kids that are not yours, one with your pets, and one in your expensive car. I like a guy who loves animals, but I’m not going to date your cat. Next!

3. You smoke. You can be the most good-looking, savvy-profile-writing sweetheart, but I still prefer my lungs over my chance of getting to know you. Still, I thank you for taking the trouble to put that cigarette in the picture. You saved me time, and I salute you. (No, I’m not being sarcastic. I’m seriously happy about this.)

4. Your profile is empty. Again, you might be good-looking. Your university,
job or our friends in common might provide some potential for conversation, but they don’t give me a clue to as to who you are. Not one.

5. You are bodybuilding in all of your pictures. Any other interests?
Hobbies? I’ll assume you are so into fitness that I’ll freak out. Can I see a wide smile instead of your muscles? Even if our first date is on a beach, I still want to see a warm smile.

6. You have put the pictures of someone or something else. I’ve so far seen
actors, politicians, comics, women, movie posters, and counting.

7. You’re offensive or a smartass. Showing how superficial, sexist or just inconsiderate you are might get a few laughs from your friends, but will severely decrease your chances of scoring a date. At least with someone who can think for herself.

8. You are only on Tinder for one reason, and you have made it clear.
I respect that, and I move on. In fact, if you are not open to possibilities and are hell-bent on just one-night stands and casual hook-ups, please write that in your email. I won’t know what I want from you until we have a proper conversation or two. Or five. I want to meet fun, interesting, and exciting people. I can’t know if you are any of these until we talk.

9. You are discussing heavy philosophy, world problems and judging pretty much everyone else. I’d love to talk about these things, but should they be the first things I learn about you?

10. We have too many friends in common, and I have a feeling if you’d actually liked me, you would have made a move already. And using Tinder when our mutual friends number is in three digits…feels way too weird.

*

There you go. Appearances are really everything, at least until we meet. And we are not nearly all as shallow as you make us out to be. We are on Tinder for different reasons, and even if we might occasionally want a one-night stand, a guy who can hold an interesting conversation is still sexier than one who only loves looking at himself in the mirror of a gym.

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Posted by Pinar Tarhan

Pinar Tarhan is a freelance writer, blogger, and screenwriter. She’s been writing professionally for over 7 years, and her bylines include The Washington Post, Creative Class, Be a Freelance Blogger, Brazen Blog, and WOW! Women on Writing among others. She runs several sites, including a modern dating blog for both men and women.

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