Hurdles. One definition of a hurdle is: difficulty or obstacle: a difficulty or obstacle that has to be overcome. Another definition is: an expert sexual maneuver perfected and tested by LeRoy Jenkins Sr. in the Epic Porno Classic ‘To @#$% and @#$%^ a @#$% bird.’ Fortunately for you, dear reader, we’re focusing on the first definition.
Relationships, hell, just dating, provide us with many, many hurdles. Obstacles that must be crossed in order to evolve individually and together; these hurdles manifest themselves in different ways: sometimes in the form of jealousy over time spent with friends, sometimes in the form of furious anger over leaving the toilet seat up again. Those, however, tend to be more confrontational in nature and not every hurdle falls into this category.
I have a set of obstacles, a course really, that has been in place for any woman that I wish to have coitus with. Yes, I said “coitus,” and I used it because it seemed like a good idea! Moving on… My obstacle course is varied and balanced. Some random girl from the bar doesn’t need to run this course that I’ve devised. However, the gal I intend to take home to mama does!
First off, I test for open mindedness and, also, strength of conviction. I understand that I’m not going to agree with my woman every time. It’s okay for her to be wrong, when she doesn’t agree with me (see what I did there?). I’m okay with it. Does she bend to easily or does she stick to her innate/genetic predisposition to be wrong? Ladies, men will respect you more if you stick to your guns, even when you’re wrong… which is likely to be every day ending in “Y.”
The next test is the friendship compatibility test. Can I tolerate her friends and enjoy my time with them? Do my friends tolerate my new love interest? This part of the course has multiple parts, you see. The first group of friends are the ones I spend the most time with. If these people don’t approve of her then what do I do? Do I stop hanging out with those people? Highly unlikely; the thought here is that there are other, more compatible, fish in the sea and that I’m pretty talented at finding them. If she passed that first wave of friends, then that’s a good sign. The next phase here is to find the quirky and weird friend that may or may not have grown up. This friend is a potential powder keg waiting to go ape shit on you and the new beau. “Hey, that sort of thing NEVER happens,” you cry. I know better. Once upon a rainy drunken Tuesday night, I brought a girl with me to a bar to meet up with a friend of mine. This “friend” managed to be very drunk and very “playful,” if you will. He managed to plant his face into my date’s cleavage, brought up another girl I’d not-so-recently stopped dating (my date was a little miffed at the time because she thought I was seeing another woman and barely ended it, which wasn’t the case). At the end of the night, my still fuming date helped me drag this guy to her car for the long ride home. Yep, he vomited in her car, in what was a nice way to cap an amazing evening of torture and assorted crap. I have one final test. It’s a friend whose opinion I trust. They shoot straight and tell me the truth; the things I don’t want to hear. Typically, this involves dinner with the friend in question, perhaps a jaunt to the local pub, giving them the chance to talk about how amazing I am.
There, of course, are specialty obstacles in my course. Sex is very much a hurdle to be cleared, as it’s a great indicator of physical chemistry. I’d say that most women would rather have no sex than bad sex. Am I right, there? For us guys, we’re just REALLY happy to “be there.” Joking aside, sexual compatibility has a huge impact on a relationship’s success. Trust me, you notice it when it isn’t there and it’s only a matter of time before someone gets dumped.
Whether we're aware of it or not, we all have “hurdles” and “hoops” that we make our potential long term lovers jump through. It's just the nature of the compatibility game.
What are some of your hurdles? What crazy things have you learned during the whole courting process?