Letters to Lovers Lost

Today we're offering up a something a little different.  Today's piece is from ‘Consumingtheart,' a long time reader, first time contributor to the Urban Dater.  Today she's going to provide us with a very personal, heart-felt, goodbye letter.  I've always been fascinated with the notion of a “Dear John” letter.  Writing a  letter provides an excellent forum for sorting through our thoughts, revisiting them, and putting them to paper… er… email; makes me want to play Lucinda Williams's ‘Out of Touch.' Anyway, I hope you guys enjoy and do let us know what you think in the comments below! – Alex

Dear Sam,

Hey! My guess is I’m sitting right in front of you right now, and you’re wondering why I don’t just talk to you. Well, the main reason is because I don’t want to mess this up. I’m afraid if we just talk, I’ll miss something and beat myself up on my way home for forgetting. I want to thank you for the things you’ve taught me.

When we met, you were so wonderful; everything about you took my breath away. You were quirky and honest and full of life, I couldn’t help but be near you… by the end of that first night, we were holding hands, passed out on the floor behind the couch; I hope you remember that. It was the night I fell in love. Thank you for that. I will carry it with me always. Thank you also, for all the late night talks we had. There was always something about the way you listened that made me feel like the only person in the world. It wasn’t always bad between us. I want you to remember that. Thank you for introducing me to Cowboy Bebop. It is my favorite cartoon because you were in my life. Thank you for taking an interest in learning about my culture. I remember your butchered Spanish sentences- but hey, you were trying. Thank you for missing me when I traveled. I always felt loved, even though you never said it.

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Sam, you have inspired me to write more, to love more, to be more patient and to forgive. I forgive you for making me feel like I wasn’t good enough for you. I forgive you for embarrassing me in front of my friends. I forgive you for keeping me at arm’s length and waiting until you had feelings for someone else to talk to me. I forgive you for breaking my heart into a million pieces. Not because I’m better than you, not because I am good but because I’m not angry anymore. You have been the greatest love of my life, thus far; also my greatest disappointment. But even in all of the pain and the hurt, there was growth. I learned to have boundaries, I learned my self-worth was more than you'd allowed. I learned to love out loud. I learned not to wait to share my thoughts and feelings.

I own myself today, because of you. I suppose a part of me will always love you. That’s what’s most amazing about love, isn’t it? There’s no getting it back once you give it away. Sam, thank you for being a part of my life, even for just the moments we shared. I will keep you close to my heart and hope you will do the same. Promise me you’ll forgive yourself for your part in the ugly things that have transpired between us, let’s not hang on to the past. I come clean today so I may walk away… I hope you can do the same.

Love you always, Charlie-

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  1. Oh my, I have never heard anyone be as honest as this, it takes my breath away. It's so hard to let go of someone you love. I think just knowing you're not going to be able to spend time with this close friend anymore is the worst part. But taking that and using it as fertilizer to grow. Nothing beats that.

    Great article.

    1. taking sh*t and turning it into fertilizer… i didn't even do that on purpose! thanks vince. 🙂

  2. Very sweet. What a great way to get across emotions that are sometimes too hard to speak about.

  3. This is really amazing. I the letters are such a great way to get it all out there. I just wish that we as people had the capacity to tell that kind of truth out loud vs just in writing. Espeically since 98% of those letters never get sent.

    1. the release of putting my feelings out there is really i all i needed. the letter should always be written, we should always feel, we should go through it. for ourselves. to grow, to learn, to get better at living… that's why i do it, anyway. 🙂

  4. Very powerful. I can imagine the joy and heartbreak it took to create this – and for us to feel it – renders it all the more vivid for the reader.

  5. Wonderful to put these feelings on a page, even better to share and grow!

  6. Just…wow. Those are the words I never spoke. And, damn it, I should have.

    1. do it. it's never too late… i've re-worked this letter a few times as i've healed…

  7. This is really amazing and I truly hope I meet someone that can change my life and have an impact like this to make me a better person!

  8. Wow! Who hasn't been there before? Very well written! Can't wait to read more!

  9. I am so glad this got posted. What a refreshing look at how relationships are supposed to work (though they may not work OUT): something is always taken from the experience.

    The bravery it takes for someone to say something like this; to examine their inner self so openly is amazing- and proves that an individual that isn't afraid to share what hurt and what didn't work comes out on top.

    Thank you, consumingtheart, for encouraging the broken hearts to move forward and thrive.

    1. thank you for your kind words- for your encouragement… i hope you get where you're going.

  10. "That’s what’s most amazing about love, isn’t it? There’s no getting it back once you give it away."

    Incredibly true.

  11. the promise, the hope, the trust, the fear, the letting go, the discovery, the disappointment and, ultimately, the sadness when you realize this person is not who you thought they were & that this (yet again) is not going to work out. brutally honest & revealing-thank you so very much for sharing & for allowing all of us to "go there" regardless of where we are right now!

  12. i take a deep breath…..because i want to say thank you for saying what has been unspoken to those. Those who have been there, and may be there for the first time, or again. And with a current tender heart, i'm not afraid to go through it again, because i know it's worth it…..because sometimes it leads to words like you have written……thank you 🙂

    1. tanya, i wish nothing but the best for you… i'm so glad my words meant something to you… thank you.

  13. What a beautiful letter. My heart felt every word. Finding love again for someone after "the ugly things" transpire is an incredible journey. Thank you for sharing your journey with us. 🙂

    1. man, i used to hate having things in common with people- if i was going through something painful, it was mine to go through, no one else's… now i find comfort in knowing there are many of us on this journey together. i'm warmed by your thoughts.

      1. i fell inlove with a guy before even though we we’re not a couple nor an item..he had been my ultimate crush way back in college and then he left w/ his family to another country. that broke my heart even though i know that i didn’t got hold into anything. after 5 years, i met a guy who had been my boyfriend up to now. But still, honestly, i’m still longing for the same guy i wanted since college most especially when i dreamed of him. Whenever i want to move forward with my life, there’s always something that reminds me of him..He got married then divorced..he’s too far and i am not sure if way back in college, he also felt the way i did…I wish i could have that same courage to say goodbye to him and let him know of my true feelings and then find the courage also to say goodbye. Hope you could help me write one…

  14. Very beautifully written.

    You truly capture the essence of the push and pull of love.

    This kind of growth is very positive and valuable. 😀

    This is a story worth sharing. (stumbled!)

  15. This is a beautiful example of how love conquers all, even pain. I wrote something quite similar myself to someone recently. Bittersweet and yet so uplifting.

  16. What a great letter. So nicely written. Sometimes getting it all out – even if you never send it – is the most healing thing!

  17. I really like this letter. It is very personal and forthwit. I have been wanting to write a “farewell” letter to my ex for quite a while. Now I can because the entire letter resonates with me and my personal experiences with my ex. I have never been good at describing how I really feel, but I am sure this heartfelt letter will help me in writing my own and also helping me in letting go of the past. On a side note, memories, that is what I like about them, they are always with me in the recesses of my mind, like a time capsule waiting to be explored and reminisced.

  18. What a great letter. My therapist says that this will help me get over someone I felt close to and lost a friendship/love interest in. I like the idea of reworking the letter over and over again because I think I may have to do that. Really only time will help heal me but hopefully each day it gets a little better. But your letter is very well written. Thanks for sharing YOU.

  19. Dear Cheyenne
    Hey! My guess is I’m sitting right in front of you right now, and you’re wondering why I don’t just talk to you. Well, the main reason is because I don’t want to mess this up. I’m afraid if we just talk; I’ll mess it up. I want to thank you for the things you’ve taught me and for being there for me but sadly, we can no longer be friends because…
    I’m sorry it has to be this way but you hate me anyway so what’s the point of being friends when you don’t care how I feel about you. You treat me like I’m an idiot but whether you hate me or not, you will never love me as much as I love you, you will never care for my feelings, you will never love me no matter how hard I try and you will definitely never be mine for all eternity. I am sorry; I really am because until you truly love me and want to be with me we can’t be friends or even acquaintances, because of my feelings I may accidently show my affection towards you and if that happens you will hate me so I’m sorry but this is just how it has to be.
    Sincerely, Your (unloved) no-longer friend

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