How Can You Tell if It's Real?

How do you know your relationship is real?

The honeymoon phase of every relationship is just the best. Butterflies, jitters, concern over what the other person thinks – it can be stressful, but can also bring a sense of pure joy that few other things in life can provide.

But, when do you know if it's real? How do you know if it is actually this person sitting across the table that you are falling in love with, or just the idea of the person? How can you divide fantasy from reality?

In the beginning, we too often overlook serious flaws in others because we are so anxious to find that “One” who will change our lives forever. We project the traits that we are looking for in a mate on each person we meet. Then, later on, when we find out that maybe this person does not, in fact, possess said traits, we claim that they misrepresented themselves in the first place. How unfair!

But how does one go about dividing the fantasy from the reality? How can we distinguish that which is actually in front of us from what we wished was there? Unfortunately, there is no good way to do this. When a relationship is new you enjoy the happiness it brings so much that you are not in a rush to find a way to make it end. So you overlook the “small stuff” and put on your best face. And then, one day, it hits you… you just don't know this person at all.

What do you do when this realization hits? Do you end the relationship immediately, or do you stay around to try to get to know this “new” person? This is one of the great internal debates, and one which has no happy answer. If only there was a way to not be in this position to begin with. If only we could put on relationship glasses right from the beginning and know exactly what we were getting ourselves in to…

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One Comment

  1. Hmmm. I really like this post, dear! (If I didn't I wouldn't post it)

    This is one of the great questions we fight with, isn't it? How do we know when something is serious? Plain ol' communication, sweetie. In some ways, I'm aloof… either that or I'm just dense.

    My current beau, is kind of a bulldog about this stuff. I'm not sure the approach would work for everyone, but it's worked effectively in beating me into emotional servitude. But that's okay, it's forced me to really look within and see where I'm at with my relationship. On the flip side, if I didn't respond in a way that indicated I wasn't headed the same direction my gf was, she'd probably dump me like a, uh, good habit?

    Anyway, I'm just sayin'. It's something to think about.

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