How Not to Get to First Base.

So much is made of dates and getting to first base or second base or even hitting a “home run.”  If I have to explain what any of that means, we have a longer discussion ahead of us.  Anyway, a lot is made of making progress on a date.  However, what if you're in the situation of purposely tanking your performance to avoid a romantic outing?  Why in the heck would anyone do that?Well, if you're like many people out there, you probably have a platonic friend that is awesome to hang out with and is a great friend, but your feelings of friendship are exceeded by your friend's romantic inklings…  Wait.  What the heck is that you say?  I've got a decent number of female friends.  Even though I find them all quite attractive in one way or another, things are not romantic.  It's a switch in my head that I make so that I can maintain friendships with them.

However, there are moments with a couple friends in particular that I have to be keenly aware of.  Why?  Well, one friend is someone that I dated briefly.  I find her attractive and I think it's safe to say that she finds me to be the same.  We’re just not relationship material for one another… We have a good time when we go out, however, things can go beyond plain friendship if the brakes are not put on quickly.  That's something that hasn't really happened a lot with us and it doesn't work out well because we are not the right fit for one another.  So limits need to be set to keep each of us sane and, hopefully non resentful of one another.  The limits I'm talking about have to do with how we hang out together.  That is, should we hang out just the two of us?  If there's sexual tension or that sort of lingering history then it's probably not a wise thing to do.  Instead we should probably hang out with groups of people…  How often should we hang out?  There's no magic number here, but my thought is that it should be infrequent.  The more time I've spent with a woman I'm attracted to the more it messes with my head and I find myself even more deeply attracted, so, for me, a limit on time spent is necessary.

I would also say that non romantic outings are a must, if you’re going out with someone whose motives are in question.  Even if you’re both a fan of new and exciting bars or restaurants, avoid them.  Seriously.  Go to freaking CoCo’s if you have to.  Nothing says “I really want nothing romantic from you” like taking someone to the hell hole known as CoCo’s, that place is just awful.  If you don’t have a CoCo’s in your area or don’t know what it is, the local Denny’s is just as good.

What about the friend who you just aren't attracted to and yet you know that they want to jump your bones and make you scream like a… um… a Sasquatch?  I don't know where I was going with that, folks.  Anyway, in the past

I think that imposing limits with your friends that you find attractive or that find you such is important if there's not a chance at a romance.  For instance, if you're in a relationship this would certainly apply.  It's key in order to salvage a valuable friendship and avoid moments of awkwardness.

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Alex is the founder and managing editor at the Urban Dater. Alex also runs: DigiSavvy, for which he is the co-founder and Principal. Alex has a lot on his mind. Will he ever get it right? If he does, he'll be sure to write.

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