Ask the Urban Dater: How Do You Know if Your Man Really Loves You?

Welcome to another addition of “Ask the Urban Dater.”  Today's question comes from Opal:

How do I know if my man really loves me?

Wow.  This is the the one I probably see the most in my inbox.  It's not an easy question to answer, by any stretch of the imagination.  If he's not kicking your cats, throwing kids into the sun, pinches you on the butt… He might still love you.  Effort is the barometric reading here.

As much as I'd like to say there's a single “sure fire” way to know if your man loves you, I simply can't.

However, I would tell you this:  If you have to question whether or not he loves you that's a strong indicator in and of itself.  He's obviously not doing a good job of making you feel loved.

You need to communicate that with him.

Now, how do you know if your man loves you?  It's tough to discern.  However, there's a general rule of thumb that rarely fails, you just have to be able to read the signs.  What I mean is disregard what your man says and pay the most attention to his actions.

Words don't always tell the truth, yet actions do.  Take note of what your man does.  Do his actions align with your relationship?  Does he do things that bring you together, or push you apart?  Does he make time for you or for himself and the things HE likes to do?  Does he make an effort to be there for you, to help you?  Do you find yourself wondering why he isn't more supportive?   Effort is key.

I hope this is helpful to you.

Best of luck, dear.

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Alex is the founder and managing editor at the Urban Dater. Alex also runs: DigiSavvy, for which he is the co-founder and Principal. Alex has a lot on his mind. Will he ever get it right? If he does, he'll be sure to write.

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  1. My observation has been that if you don't care for a dude he will love you. If you love him, he will bail. Maybe just my bad luck but it seems to go this way for me.

    If you have any doubts, he probably doesn't love you. If something doesn't feel 'right' there's a reason for that. It is advisable to bring it up to him if you have doubts, in the interest of not wasting your time with someone who doesn't really love you. You may not like the answer, but it's for the best. I am assuming you want someone who is going to stick around for the long haul, right? I can't say how to bring it up, though. I've never had the guts to do this myself.

  2. I just gotta say that I SO agree with you on this. Bottom line is if you can see that a man is consistently trying to make you happy, he thinks you rock. Even if he's not doing everything perfectly, it's like you said: it's about the effort. When a man loves a woman he will move mountains for her – or at least he'll try. (Oh, but don't forget sometimes you have to actually let him know how to please you.)

    As a dating coach for women, it's great to come across a man with such insight and who delivers it in a kind (and sometimes hysterical) way. Now that I found you I'm going to use some of your posts. (Maybe you can do the same?) Thanks!

  3. Hey Bobbi,
    Thanks for the comment and the compliments! =) They will get you everywhere, I'm just sayin'.

    Let's chat some more!

  4. Oh we all question the love from another at some point in relationships, however gee, I, do self therapy here, would have to say if you are unsure in the early days of your relationship, that's reasonable. If your are questioning when there has been some form of commitment, then really, it does not matter who love who, there is something wrong. That for me is the end of the beginning.

  5. He continues to tell me we are in an exclusive relationship and marriage is in the near future…. my car broke and I was in a dire situation to fix it, I told him I needed some money…( he claims to be very financially secured) but he never offered one cent to help, AND that made me really look at hin in a new light. If he owns a Bently, Rolls Royce, Zimmer among 4 more cars…. if he really loved me and this car is my only means of transportation than would love not let him step in to help…. it was only 300.00 to fix my car. That was the moment I knew this was more of a relationship that he just needed someone to show him affection… it was not the love I longed/ dreamed of…????

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