Your Relationship Needs to Struggle to Survive.

Relationships are a funny, wonderful, awful thing.  That is, they can be wonderful, spirtitually uplifting and great to be in. The flip side to that coin, of course they can be gut-wrenching, emotion-draining, heart slayers.  We know this and we understand it, most of us anyway.  The Sun and the Moon, good and evil, Coke and Pepsi, Big Spoon and Little Spoon; I could go on, but there’s two sides to every coin… For the nerdier folk; there’s twenty sides to a D20.  To have a happy relationship; it must also suck.

That’s right!  To know a truly happy relationship that is healthy, strong and enduring, one must experience peaks and valleys and, no, fellas, I’m not referring to a “woman’s peaks and valleys.”

When a person has found their partner; their counterpoint, they often show their best sides.  They underscore those qualities that make them stand apart from the rest.  Why wouldn’t they?  However, when a couple shares strong feelings, even love, they may even overlook crucial flaws in their partner with the hope of keeping their relationship right and steady… It takes time, however, before the sheen wears off, when a person’s true self is revealed and can no longer be ignored.  Along with that all that “good stuff” is the laundry list, however long or short, of bad stuff that is brought to bear… That’s when and where relationships really begin to take shape.

As too much sunshine is a bad thing, so is too much happiness in a relationship.  That’s just the way it is. In the Matrix, Agent Smith says they created a Matrix that was a perfect Utopia; but the human mind rejected it; it was too perfect, the human mind needed to struggle and to feel pain.  Relationships are like that, too!  I think a lot of people go into relationships thinking about just that part of the relationship that is sunshine and virtual perfection… That’s virtual insanity, in my picture book!

We experience pain, sadness and depression at various points, sometimes for no reason at all.  Maybe a raindrop fell on our head; perhaps someone sneered at you like you’re a complete jerk for wearing stretchy pants (if so, understand that person sneering at you was me!) and then it put a damper on your day.  Really, though, the reason is irrelevant.  If you feel shtty, you feel shtty, end of story… It’s naïve to think any one person is high on life 100% of the time.

That said, it’s easy to want to “fix” whatever your partner may be going through, or to get yourself out of a funk.  Funks happen, sometimes it’s just better to let things be as they are; to let a conclusion occur on its own; like waiting for rainclouds to pass on to reveal the sun, after a few days of torrential downpour.  My point here is to let things be.

It’s okay for things to suck, it’s natural to struggle and to not be okay.  That’s life, y’all and that b*tch, like a good healthy relationship, is a marathon and not a sprint; the scenery changes a lot more in a marathon.

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Alex is the founder and managing editor at the Urban Dater. Alex also runs: DigiSavvy, for which he is the co-founder and Principal. Alex has a lot on his mind. Will he ever get it right? If he does, he'll be sure to write.

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  1. Darn when I saw your link to this, I thought you were going to tell me it was good for me to occasionally pick a fight. Darn. But this is good too.

    Nothing is ever all roses.. and if it is.. I want what you're on. 🙂
    .-= Maruska Morena´s last blog ..5 Manly-Man Things I Love =-.

  2. Perfect. This seems like it would be obvious, but we still do need to be reminded from time to time …

    Two guiding philosophies in my life that I'd like to share, in relation to this post:
    – "This too shall pass."
    – "Choose joy."

    In other words, you'll see the flaws in someone you love, but you can still choose to celebrate their strengths and accept that the low points in a relationship will soon dissipate.
    .-= Zoë´s last blog ..Mom, I love you! =-.

  3. Considering the friction (not the good kind…) that's been going on between my Man Friend and I lately, I needed this post. Thank you.

  4. I didn't realize this was an old post, but man, it had me in stitches! My bf and I are at this point in our relationship where things are still awesome, but we are starting to really see the parts of each other that annoy us. He's in the other room as I am typing this and I was cracking up while reading the blog, and he came in to ask me what was so funny. I read him a few lines and told him this is your Urban Dater friend.

    You see he suggested that I read your blog since he follows you as well, and although at first, I didn't understand why a man in a committed relationship would follow a dating blog, it didn't hit me until he explained why, and I actually sat down and read some of your posts. I love it! Not only do I relate to half of the things you write, the other half I just roll on the floor laughing to. Great stuff, seriously!

    I'm pretty content with my (0ur) peaks and valleys in Dallas. 😉

    1. Hey Denise,
      Thanks for the kind words and all that jazz. Imagine how my gf felt trying to understand whya dude in a relationship would continue writing a blog about dating and mating. I'm not trying to be that single guy anymore, but I have a lot of experience to impart. Writing about being in a relationship is more challenging for sure.

      Anyway, thanks for this comment and some of your other comments on the blog. It's great to know that we keep it awesome for people, especially in Dallas. -}

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