The Science Of Why We’re Scared To Speak To Gorgeous Women

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Sometimes, the world is a scary place. There are plenty of things that it's perfectly acceptable to be terrified of.

We can easily explain why we're afraid of violence, heights, wild animals – it's the danger associated with them. Even fears of creepy-crawlies or crowded spaces are somewhat understandable. However, there's one fear that most modern men have which makes almost no sense at all…

The fear of a beautiful female.

We've all been victims of an intimidating-ly attractive vixen. The type of lady you can't take your eyes off, but daren't make a move on. Typically, you'll think of a million things to say, replay imaginary conversations through your brain, negotiate the best way to walk towards her…Yet, you just can't force yourself to talk to her. Sometimes, there's this internal resistance stopping you. The same type that stops you stabbing yourself in the eye.

Even if you fight this resistance and somehow say hi, it's still too hard to hide your anxiety. Your breathing hastens, your brain freezes and your body stiffens like a frightened little boy. That's why hot women always say they want a man to ‘be himself'…because most men approach as if they're having an asthma attack.

So, what's going on here? Deep down, we understand that ladies aren't dangerous. Most men have dealt with far scarier situations. How is it some men can close multi-million pound contracts with business clients, but can't even open conversations with catwalk models? How is it possible that some policemen, firefighters and war heroes end up as bar and nightclub zeros?

The fight or flight response

The body's ‘fight or flight response' could certainly be partly to blame for their plight.

It's mostly associated for activating in times of great danger. Hormones are released to increase your heart rate, adrenaline levels and concentration towards the dangerous situation. This prepares you to either fight or escape a potential threat. Very useful.

Unfortunately, this involuntary response also activates during relatively safe situations if we're unfamiliar with them. Examples include public speeches, networking events and you guessed it…hitting on women. If we're unsure how safe a social situation is, our body prepares itself for a worst-case scenario. This is usually far from useful, as it's almost impossible to relax.

Cold-approaching hot girls is a lottery. They could love you, they could hate you. They could have a huge aggressive husband who wants to fight you. It's this uncertainty that sets off the heavy breathing, fast heart rate and foggy brain – and ultimately makes hitting on hot women a lot more difficult.

How to push past the fear

The key to reducing your anxiety is to try to reduce any associated uncertainty.

Obviously, it's impossible to completely eliminate uncertainty when meeting new women, but you'll still benefit from becoming more familiar with the ins and outs of introducing yourself. Get chatting with girls in all situations; out and about, by the bar, in a big group or standing alone. The more gorgeous girls you speak to, the easier it becomes.

Of course, it's easier said than done. The symptoms of fight or flight can't be simply swept aside. You might have to start small, maybe by asking someone the time or making jokes with men. This creates social momentum, which you can use to work your way up to cuter and cuter women.

These small steps might seem silly to start with, but it won't once you're confidently courting the most gorgeous girls in the nightclub. Eventually, this flirty chit-chat will feel natural enough to not need a fight or flight response.

Taming this fear will transform your dating life

It's tough to admit when you're afraid of beautiful women, and even tougher to teach yourself to talk to them.

Most men won't ever try. They'll think they're above it. They'll rely on online dating or getting wasted as their only methods of meeting women, and be terrified the rest of the time. They'll still have options, but it'll be difficult for them to ever date their dream girl.

If you do choose to face your fear and learn to flirt confidently from cold-approach, you'll be one of only a few dudes that can do it. You'll have a larger selection of ladies to choose from. You'll never need to watch a woman walk out of your life and wonder ‘what if' you spoke to her.

Ultimately, you'll be far more likely to end up with that truly fantastic female.

Author Profile

Joe Elvin is a dating/relationships blogger based in London. His book 'The Thrill Of The Chase', which explains how to truly thrive in singledom, was published in 2017. Download the first chapter for free at

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