I have it on good authority that there is a “Silence” fan page on Facebook. I’m definitely not a fan of it. Sure, sure I could be a fan of it if only to tell me people in the style of “the Rock” to know their role and shut their hole. It makes sense to me anyway.
Silence is a tool of the truly spiteful; the masters of passive aggressive behavior. Even though I’ve been prone to passive aggressive behavior I don’t use the silent treatment… I tend to be more vocal about my misgivings, whatever they may be at the time. However, silence gets me every time.
I’ll tell you a little secret: I hate silence. I hate it when people give me the silent treatment. It drives me bat-shit crazy. I’m not alone here, I realize, but dammit! If you want me to go all nutters on you, don’t talk to me, write me or text me. Have a fantastic time with me one night and then don’t speak to me afterward. I will pull out my own damned hair and start upper cutting people in the stomach!
Why am I telling you this? I suppose I’m telling all the people that have given me the silent treatment over the years (even if I deserved it which is almost always…) f*ck you! I mean that in the nicest possible way, of course… No, actually I don’t; I lied. Forgive me.
Silence induces insecurity in even the most secure people. It’s something that I cannot tolerate, even though I’ve tried very hard to be understanding in many cases through the years. I just don’t like it one ounce.
How does one deal with silence? In the vane of It’s Always Sunny in Philadelphia’s D.E.N.N.I.S. System, let me introduce you to the A.L.E.X. System:
- Aggressively pursue, harass, poke, prod, shake and kick until this silent provocateur has been forced to scream for help! That is, be aggressive, be be AGGRESSIVE! I keep hounding people until the break or become furious. Give me something to work with; anything! I’d rather be called a turd or a nerf herder than nothing at all!
- Laywaste to those who deny you your verbal and emotional access and stomp them silly while making them feel like an asshole, even though you may be at fault! Yes, I said “lay waste,” dammit!
- Eviscerate the silence with your loud and booming voice or by showing up to the offender’s residence at an all too early hour of the morning, pull out your old school boom box and start blaring the Glee Season One Soundtrack or something else equally offensive. 😉
- eXonerate your enemy from their silent treatment crimes, begin the peace process and demand reparations for their insolence and inconsiderate ways! Or something like that…
Anyway, if you don't agree that silence is a good way to deal with a problem, just see what these people from Twitter had to say: