101 Things I Learned About Online Dating: My Rough Edges

101 Things I learned about dating

Something I've thought a lot about lately… Imperfection; how I don't feel I measure up in a lot of ways. I read this bit below and something suddenly “clicked.”

People fall in love with each other’s rough edges. Paradoxically, it’s our flaws and vulnerabilities that make us unique and endearing towards others. The more we’re willing to reveal where we come up short, the more intimacy and connection we’ll generate in our personal lives, and the happier and healthier we’ll be in the long run. — https://www.facebook.com/YesterdayMourningBook/posts/278371238993143

When I'm with someone I love/care about I get insecure. Very insecure, not to the point of paralysis, but enough to question why someone would even consider dating me. The fact is that I've fucked up a lot, made poor choices and shit all over some good things in my life. I'm not perfect, I'm very far from it, in fact.

There's a woman I'm seeing. Within three dates I unloaded my shit on her. Kids, my family stuff, and a lot of my own personal foibles… Guess what happened? She got closer and then she grabbed my hand, squeezed it and then she leaned on me. I almost burst into tears. Almost. Because man, baby, because man! Real talk, I was so moved by her simple gesture, I almost broke down. You see, I've had women run far and run fast when I opened myself up. I learned that opening up could cause a negative reaction. But you know what? I am who I am, for better or worse. If a someone runs the other way after they know who I am and where I've been, fuck em. They're just weeding my garden for me.

It's our idiosyncrasies and “rough edges” that make us real; that make us worth knowing and worth taking a risk on. Don't hide yourself from those who matter most. Being vulnerable can open yourself to possibility…

Author Profile

Alex is the founder and managing editor at the Urban Dater. Alex also runs: DigiSavvy, for which he is the co-founder and Principal. Alex has a lot on his mind. Will he ever get it right? If he does, he'll be sure to write.

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