You’re sitting in front of your computer screen or gadgety phone, eating your Cheetos, Doritos or Fritos or Garden Variety of Toes… You looked at the title for this article and are probably thinking I’ve gone off my rocker; that I’m a complete tosser, who is very clearly brain damaged; maybe you think I’m a worthless turd that likes to put attention grabbing titles in my articles for traffic driving purposes (which, by the way isn’t just a good idea… it’s a REALLY good idea). Am I really saying this? Do I really think that the person you love will never be enough for you? Yes, I do believe this and let me tell you why.
First off, children of the corn, I should tell you that this piece doesn't come from me being upset with my woman or having a fight with her. No, quite the opposite in fact! Let me explain; I had two very intriguing conversations the other day: One with @winkwinkzoe and the other being a close, long time, friend of mine, Lester the Digester (we won’t be going into that name’s origin, okay kids?). The conversations were the same but very different, you see.
My discussion with Zoe Blue was interesting. She was searching deep within for some answers to questions that she’s been asking for bit. I’ll leave that for Zoe to attack on her own blog, if she wishes. Instead, I’ll let you in on my own thoughts and conclusions. First off isn’t it funny how a brief conversation with someone can be so enlightening? Talking with Zoe is just like that, you see.
Today, I'm going to discuss what I took away from my convo with Zoe.
I realized something and it’s not something that was a secret. Not really. What I realized is that, in my current relationship and those past, (actually, just because a relationship didn’t work, does that mean it was a failure? Something to ponder, peeps) was that we need to be engaged. I NEED to be engaged. I need to be challenged. I’m not sputtering wisdom; this is common sense to most people. Though, it’s common for me to lack any sense at all, surprising right? There are a number of ways that I need to be engaged: Physically, mentally, emotionally, intellectually… There are different ways for one to engage on each of those. Physically, I need some damn good sexing-up!! Just do. Also, I need to be active or be challenged in a physical sense. No, not in the way that Chris “Cyborg” Santos might challenge me. For example, I work with computers most of the day, in my day job and then for my own personal business. I am a newborn Mac-Slut! So is my girlfriend! It’s easy that we would sit down and just get way into our computers. My girlfriend will furrow her eyebrow and declare, “Babe! We should go for a hike!! What about that place you drove us past last weekend?” To which I reply, “Um, you mean the place where the two bikers were mauled by a pack of upset mountain lions?” “Yep, that’s the one!” she exclaims. I’ll take a deep breath, shut down the Mac, turn off my server, power off my Windows 7 box (Windows 7 wasn’t my idea, for the record) and head off for a hiking adventure to parts that really scare the piss out of me. That’s just one of the important ways that she engages me and I appreciate that, but not as much as the sex. Thanks for the sexing, honey!
The flipside to that coin is she needs to be engaged, too. She’s an educator. She teaches. Whether she realizes it or not, she consumes information at an alarming rate! It angers me how much information she devours because it’s just not lady-like! (If you didn’t like the previous sentence, and you’re a woman, send your correspondence to [email protected]) What I’m getting at is that she needs to learn; to be taught; to understand the way things work. Like I said, I don’t know that she completely knows that or not. But that is one way that she needs to be engaged and I try to fulfill that. She needs to laugh, as well. Fortunately for her, I’m a gigantic doofus and totally capable of making fun of myself and others, which lends itself to regular laughter. Seriously, though, she also needs someone who will push back against her. She’ll tell you that she would steamroll a person, if they let her. Sometimes that means I have to muster a backbone and batter her in the labe’ or just be a jerk to her (which isn’t really a problem for me, you know).
However, do I engage her in every way that is important to her? Nope! The same can be said the other way, too. That’s the “thing.” Isn’t it? Maybe you have met the most awesome guy, the love of your life! He is challenging, engaging and bold, but maybe that guy hates hanging out with your friends, or doesn’t share your appreciation for the arts and culture. Then what? Those things aren’t necessarily “deal breakers,” but they are important nonetheless. To be whole and happy as a clam (are clams really that happy? Never understood that phrase) we need someone that fills in the gaps. I’m not suggesting that you get into polyamorous relationships (threesomes are kinda hot, though), though, for some that is an answer.
What I’m saying is, for myself, I need to be engaged in a number of different ways. For some of those things, my girlfriend excels. For some of those things, there are others that fill those gaps. It could be my Magic: the Gathering playing graphic designer buddy, it could be my speed dropping, heroin-injecting philanthropist friend. To be a more whole individual I do need more than just my girlfriend and she needs more than me. Could we do without those things and people that fill in those gaps? Probably; how happy would we be? That’s another matter, isn’t it?
Are we ever enough for our lover and they for us? I don’t believe so and that’s okay. That’s called balance and that's a GOOD thing..
What do you think? Can a couple be completely content with one another, needing nothing else?