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RelationshipsSelf

Ape in Transition

yannibmbr on July 6, 2011
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living together in a relationshipI'm moving in with my girlfriend today. Let me say that again: I'm moving in with my girlfriend today. Hoo boy… Let's see. Did I pack up the comic books? What about the porn? Can't forget the porn! Ummm… Let's see, what else am I forgetting. Nuts. I cant forget my nuts!!! I need to make sure they are securely fastened to the base of my vag-hammer; being a vagitarian is hard work!

I don't fear change. I really don't, but today represents the first time I've lived with a girlfriend that I didn't score from a sex trafficking racket. More than that, it's the first time I've moved in about ten years… I think that is what scares me more. So why am I doing it?

Sure, a healthy dose of love has a lot to do with it, probably a touch of fear as well. It's time to move on with life and do this thing with a co-pilot (not the sex thing you perverts). I think the thing that scares me is there is no “home” to go to when the woman gets pissed off… I AM home! That's cool though, I can make amends with that detail. To survive, though, I need to make some rules; ground rules to live by, you know.

The “Woman Shalt Maketh Me a Sandwich Accords”

1. Make me as many sandwiches as I can eat… Whenever I want.
2. Sex on Demand
3. More sandwiches
4. When my woman has offended me by telling me a lie, such as saying I'm wrong, she will take a two hour walk, buy me a sandwich and then walk for another hour an reflect on how she should apologize. “Isn't that what the sandwich is for?” you ask. I hope you feel fortunate knowing that such a question does not warrant the stinging contact from my pimp hand.
5. Sofia, over at Doing Laundry in Heels, has a great concept there. Therefore, I'd like to take that a step further. In addition to making me sandwiches, my woman will do so wearing a little black dress and heels.

The more things change, the more they stay the same?

I've been told by many of my friends “Man! You're living in a dream world. That shit ain't gonna happen.” While that's the likely truth of the matter, it doesn't mean a man can't dream.

At the end of the moving day, there I sat… Slumped over on my girlfriend's squashy couch… Drinking water. When I thought to myself: “This is OUR squashy couch.” There was a moment there, for me. That moment was telling for a couple of reasons: Reality of my decision and new situation were settling in; and I sure hope no one thinks I'm a pussy for having a couch like this.

Luckily for me, if that couch does make me look like a bit of a puss, at least I am what I eat.

Okay, now breathe!

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  • Posted in: Relationships, Self
  • Tagged in: living together, Relationships

Posted by yannibmbr

Alex is the founder, creative director and managing editor at the Urban Dater. Alex also runs his own boutique marketing agency in Orange County, Ca: DigiSavvy. Among his treasured pursuits are bike rides with his girlfriend (don't be perverted, now!), hiking, watching the Portland Trailblazers and the LA Angels. Follow Alex: Twitter | LinkedIn

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6 Comments

  1. single much July 5, 2011 at 3:55 pm

    You are nuts. I hope she makes you shit sandwiches. lol
    My recent post AOL & Jeep Contest! What Inspires you? (Sponsored Post)

    Reply

    1. digisavvy July 6, 2011 at 11:15 am

      Well, as long as those shit sandwiches get made by her then I don't give a [email protected] Ew

      Reply

  2. Miss Melisa Mae July 5, 2011 at 4:10 pm

    Yay! Our little Alex is all grownsed up 😉
    My recent post Happy Anniversary To Me (Round Deux)

    Reply

  3. taylorcast28 July 6, 2011 at 5:27 am

    congrats. glad i didn't have to help you move!
    My recent post Day 10

    Reply

  4. Lennie Ross July 7, 2011 at 9:53 am

    Hahaha this should be interesting, I look forward to future posts of 'progress' in this little experiment 🙂

    And yes, shit sandwiches, MMMmmMmmM

    Lennie Ross http://lennierosswrites.com
    My recent post WTF is with DTF?

    Reply

  5. Sexy Athletic Women; Why Athletic Women are So Sexy | the Urban Dater July 22, 2011 at 12:02 am

    […] Make Your Own Sand­wich — I’ve long stated that I pre­fer women mak­ing me a sand­wich. Part of that comes from a healthy dose of lazi­ness. Though, I tend to think that sand­wiches […]

    Reply

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Relationships

Ape in Transition

by yannibmbr time to read: 2 min
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