How to Rekindle the Spark in Your Relationship

rekindle the spark
rekindle the spark
How do I rekindle the spark in my relationships? Definitely the butt-sex. – Alex

Whether you have been in a relationship for a month or 20 years, it is difficult to maintain that same spark you had when you first met. It is common to get so comfortable with your partner that you begin to get caught up in life and take it for granted that your partner will understand and always be there. The truth of the matter is without dedication from both of you the relationship can begin to fall apart. The good news is if you have noticed the spark is going out, it's not too late and there are several easy steps you can take to rekindle the relationship. Here are five tips that you can start using today to begin rekindling the spark in your relationship.

Actively Listening.

In many relationships, talking and listening becomes more of a habit instead of sincerity. For example, many people ask their partner how their day was, but the question is more out of habit than a genuine interest in how your partner's day went. Partners begin to talk at each other, instead of to one another. It is important to actively listen to what your partner is saying, focus on him/her, make eye contact and ask questions related to the topic being discussed. Communication is one of the most important things you can do to maintain a healthy relationship.

Surprise Messages.

A great trick to rekindle the spark in your relationship, is to leave your partner unexpected messages. Little things such as slipping a note in your partner's lunch or putting a post-it on the bathroom mirror. A note with a simple “I love you” will go a long way in making your partner feel loved, special and appreciated. Sending an unexpected text is also an effective way to show your partner that you are thinking of them.

Date Night.

When couples become committed to one another, it is common for them to quit going out. Choose one day of the week when you can go on a date. Plan the date the same as if it were your first date together. For example, instead of announcing in the morning that you will be taking your partner to dinner, call him/her and ask them out for a date, dress up and go someplace that is special to the two of you. Take the time to remember what it was about dating that brought the two of you together.

Verbalizing Love.

Even though you tell him/her each morning or each night that you love him/her, sometimes it becomes words without meaning. Let your partner know that you love them by saying it when it isn't expected. For example, call, email or text your partner during the day and just say “I love you”.


It is vital to your relationship that you know the difference between physical intimacy and sex. It is common for couples to lose the intimacy in a relationship and think that because they are still having sex, there is physical intimacy in the relationship. Little things such as giving your partner an unexpected hug or holding hands while walking, is physical intimacy. These are things that spark the memory of what your relationship used to be and what it can be again. For example, rent a movie, sit together with your arm around your partner and enjoy each others company.

Relationships are hard, but it often only requires the small gestures that you no longer do to keep your relationship from breaking apart. Rekindling the spark in your relationship usually can be accomplished with the unexpected. Think about what your relationship was like when you first met and incorporate the small things back into your lives.

Image Credit StephanieAndMelanie

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Written by Neil Keifer, a freelance writer who has worked extensively as a relationship counselor. His articles appear on various online relationship publications such as

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One Comment

  1. It’s great that you point out the way the relationship begins, full of mutual appreciation and attentiveness, is sometimes all that is required to abate relationship qualms. Sometimes it’s that simple

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