Just about two years ago I met a woman named Miss Melisa Mae. A blonde big-boobed blogger with epic cleavage and personality. We met at a bar in Orange County and I learned quickly that this woman backs down from no challenge or talks of penises and vaginas. My kind of broad for sure. Join me in congratulating Miss Melisa Mae in turning two
Someone get me some mayo for this sandwich
Two years to the day
Was born Miss Melisa Mae.
Please hold your applause
And take a moment to pause.
To reflect on what’s been
And gotten under my skin.
I’ll try to be quick
But I’m a wordy ass chick.
There was the dry humping Italian
And the overeager Stallion.
A man with one nut
And men trying to poke me in the butt.
There were men with buns in the oven
Still looking for a little lovin.
Plenty of guys who couldn’t spell
And a newlywed from hell.
My teacher from ninth grade
Who was just trying to get laid.
There was the stripping RN
And more than one Nigerian.
There was a fireman or two
And lots of men with no clue.
A 10 minute date
And a redhead overweight.
A man wearing gold lamé
And one I thought was gay.
There was the guy that couldn’t talk
Until he pulled out his cock.
Horrible texts
And smothering sex.
A married swinger
Who was Chris Penn’s dead ringer.
The cat loving loser
The Tokyo drift cruiser.
Hot Bicep Guy
And lots of pictures of Peni.
Now that’s a lot of damn dating
But I certainly ain’t hating.
Congratulations to me
Because I’m a fucking bad ass <— (I was all out of rhyme)
(That’s as close to poetry as I come. Don’t worry, I won’t be quitting my day job anytime soon)
Of course, my darlings, you can visit me at my bomb ass blog The Book Of Love Was Written By A Sadist Come on sweetie. I won't hurt ya.
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