Talking Dirty: A Brief Exploration


“They love it when I talk dirty to them”. I'm sure you've all heard someone say it. They lean in over the table at some sort of establishment that sells alcohol, they look left and right, then they say it, nod ever so slightly, and lean back. It's not just something that lads say to one another in close proximity to a televised football game, either. When I'm sat alone at a bar and slyly watch people doing this there's almost an equal split of guys to girls telling their pals about it – despite what some stereotypes would have you think. So maybe we all just love a bit of dirty talk? That would be a fine statement to make if I could pin it down. Because what exactly is “dirty talk”? Why do people do it? How is it done? Allow me to whip away that curtain of mystery, tear it into pieces and then shower them down on you as if to celebrate the intense sexual party that is bound to ensue.

Well, what does it mean to be “dirty”? Google tells us to be dirty means to be “covered or marked with an unclean substance” – which sounds pretty dirty on its own! Dirty talk in the context of flirtation and sex probably derives from dirtying your soul with sin – and sexy sin at that. The talk is naughty and it's bad – but the point is that's what makes it fun. It's important to make the distinction between talking dirty and cursing like a sailor, though. You've all probably heard the joke where the child asks the mother what the dirtiest word she knows is and she says “mud”, and the grandmother overhears this and drops a c-bomb, saying that's the dirtiest word that she can think of. While it is a pretty dirty word to use, it's not always going to go down well when trying to solicit someone into the bedroom, or trying to solicit them to achieve greater sexual gratification during the act. Dirty talk doesn't always have to be as crude and dirty as it can get, and more often than not it's better if it isn't anyway. Dirty doesn't always have to mean the words themselves are “unclean” – the intent behind them is enough. All words are simply a form of communication, and can be used to display intent. The true part of your communication that has to be dirty are not necessarily the words – but the intent behind them. Simply put: it is not sexually exciting for someone to say they want to fuck you, unless the thought of fucking is something that excites you. This is where you can get creative with your dirty talk. You can leave the f-word at the door and play around with the way you bridge that gap between the words and the intent you wish to display with those words. This is where you can adapt your dirty talk to fit the needs of different types of lovers. Sure, some people might want you to cuss more than Reservoir Dogs, others might want you to tell them things in French – different forms of dirty talk will produce different reactions from different people. Find something you and your lover can both enjoy.

In summary, talking dirty is just a way of communicating sexual intent to someone else. But the fun comes in how you employ that communication. It's definitely something that is quite variable and will require some testing of the waters before you get it right. One tip is to start out light, funny, and flirtatious, and work your way up to the really blunt, dirty and raw stuff until you find the happy limit. Working your way down the other way would just be really confusing.

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Oscar Taylor-Kent is considered by many to be both a dating and technology expert. As a result of this, online dating is something he knows about in spades. This is why he writes for SmartDatingUK. He also writes about a lot of other stuff too, and can be found at

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