It’s outrageous and arbitrary. And funny. How people decide to date someone. Here are 50 unusual ways that either my friends or I have encountered to ultimately realize the utter truth of he’s just not that into you.
To start of, he calls his friends ‘M’ and ‘J’ instead of their full names.
- And he asks you to keep your jacket off when clearly it’s cold (this is actually double-edged; he clearly just wants to check you out).
- When you tell him a joke, he just nods without a glimmer of a smile.
- When you ask him to define beauty in 8 words, he replies with “Moisture is the essence of beauty” from Zoolander.
- He’s enraged when you’re late for a good reason.
- Then Keeps eyeing your best friend.
- Texts you after two days non-stop and proceeds to halt communication for an entire month. Resumes again for two weeks.
- You don’t share any hobbies.
- When you flake, he flakes back.
- He’s super bummed (and entitled) when it’s only Netflix and no Chill.
Out of the blue, he texts you “Hey,” “I’m bored,” or “Sup.”
- You’ve initiated two dates in a row.
- He’s in the middle of a life crisis, on vacation, or visiting his family who just emigrated from Iran.
- Tells you “You’re great.”
- I’m…young, old, looking for fun, or looking for someone to get down with.
Says he’s out of town.
- Goes out with you only on Mondays and Thursdays.
- Idea of a date is at his place, McDonalds, or the park.
- Responds to any verbal spar of yours with super offence.
- Flirt, flirt, flirt. No follow-up.
You both have very different attitudes about politics. (He’s volunteered for campaigns. You don’t vote).
- He talks about his laundry in the middle of the date.
- Identifies as polyamorous.
- He says ‘we’ prematurely.
- Criticizes your appearance in any form.
“I’m not ready for… (anything)”
- Doesn’t remember that you have a sister.
- Or where you work.
- Or that lethal peanut allergy.
- He’s part of the Alternative Relationship Group on Meetup.com.
“I like you.”
- He hasn’t Facebook friend requested you.
- No shared photos.
- Has plans about how the entire month is going to pan out.
- When you ask him to name a song that reflects his attitude/approach towards romantic interactions, he cheekily answers, “I wanna sex you up.”
He cancels last minute on that House party you invited him to come to weeks ago.
- Within hours of meeting you, he tells you he’s staying at a hotel or he lives around the corner.
- Tells you he’s seeing this other girl named Kylie. (In reality, he’s seeing at least 2 other girls).
- His family sounds like the Addams family.
- Engaged or married.
He mentions any of the following words twice in conversation: casual, friends with benefits, open relationship, one-night stand, or simply, sex.
- He’s your clerk, boss, coach, tutor, professor, or personal assistant.
- “I really like you.”
- Stays exclusively either at his place or your place.
- He’s vegan and you can’t go without eating 2 steaks every 3 weeks.
He stares at his phone, the tv screen, and/or the waitress.
- When you’re on a first date and he points out random things like how a fly just landed on the head of a gal sitting behind you.
- He says yes to everything you invite him to but never invites you to anything.
- When you bring him homemade lemon cookies to his office, he responds with “They’re delicious…you know, I have trouble mixing work with my personal life.”
- I’m a… good guy, bad guy, commitment-phobe, player, serial dater, etc.