It’s outrageous and arbitrary. And funny. How people decide to date someone. Here are 50 unusual ways that either my friends or I have encountered to ultimately realize the utter truth of he’s just not that into you.

  • To start of, he calls his friends ‘M’ and ‘J’ instead of their full names.
  • And he asks you to keep your jacket off when clearly it’s cold (this is actually double-edged; he clearly just wants to check you out).
  • When you tell him a joke, he just nods without a glimmer of a smile.
  • When you ask him to define beauty in 8 words, he replies with “Moisture is the essence of beauty” from Zoolander.
  • He’s enraged when you’re late for a good reason.
  • Then Keeps eyeing your best friend.
  • Texts you after two days non-stop and proceeds to halt communication for an entire month. Resumes again for two weeks.
  • You don’t share any hobbies.
  • When you flake, he flakes back.
  • He’s super bummed (and entitled) when it’s only Netflix and no Chill.
  • Out of the blue, he texts you “Hey,” “I’m bored,” or “Sup.”
  • You’ve initiated two dates in a row.
  • He’s in the middle of a life crisis, on vacation, or visiting his family who just emigrated from Iran.
  • Tells you “You’re great.”
  • I’m…young, old, looking for fun, or looking for someone to get down with.
  • Says he’s out of town.
  • Goes out with you only on Mondays and Thursdays.
  • Idea of a date is at his place, McDonalds, or the park.
  • Responds to any verbal spar of yours with super offence.
  • Flirt, flirt, flirt. No follow-up.
  • You both have very different attitudes about politics. (He’s volunteered for campaigns. You don’t vote).
  • He talks about his laundry in the middle of the date.
  • Identifies as polyamorous.
  • He says ‘we’ prematurely.
  • Criticizes your appearance in any form.
  • “I’m not ready for… (anything)”
  • Doesn’t remember that you have a sister.
  • Or where you work.
  • Or that lethal peanut allergy.
  • He’s part of the Alternative Relationship Group on Meetup.com.
  • “I like you.”
  • He hasn’t Facebook friend requested you.
  • No shared photos.
  • Has plans about how the entire month is going to pan out.
  • When you ask him to name a song that reflects his attitude/approach towards romantic interactions, he cheekily answers, “I wanna sex you up.”
  • He cancels last minute on that House party you invited him to come to weeks ago.
  • Within hours of meeting you, he tells you he’s staying at a hotel or he lives around the corner.
  • Tells you he’s seeing this other girl named Kylie. (In reality, he’s seeing at least 2 other girls).
  • His family sounds like the Addams family.
  • Engaged or married.
  • He mentions any of the following words twice in conversation: casual, friends with benefits, open relationship, one-night stand, or simply, sex.
  • He’s your clerk, boss, coach, tutor, professor, or personal assistant.
  • “I really like you.”
  • Stays exclusively either at his place or your place.
  • He’s vegan and you can’t go without eating 2 steaks every 3 weeks.
  • He stares at his phone, the tv screen, and/or the waitress.
  • When you’re on a first date and he points out random things like how a fly just landed on the head of a gal sitting behind you.
  • He says yes to everything you invite him to but never invites you to anything.
  • When you bring him homemade lemon cookies to his office, he responds with “They’re delicious…you know, I have trouble mixing work with my personal life.”
  • I’m a… good guy, bad guy, commitment-phobe, player, serial dater, etc.
Hope you enjoyed this list Gals! It just shows that there’s no predicting whether or not a guy is into you because it’s too random. It’s more a series of organized random patterns. Don’t take it too seriously. Rejection is an inherent and necessary part of the dating process. It’s not always fun, but it’s definitely funny.

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Posted by Sarah Suhaimi

Sarah Suhaimi practices 명음 by day and the art of dark chocolate bar swindling by night. She is currently working closely with a local Pittsburgh non-profit that serves sex-trafficked victims, Living in Liberty, as a volunteer and grant proposal writer. She founded the Southeast Asian Student Alliance (SEASA) at her university, and, as well, the "Offer Islam Campaign." Her works vary from prose to poetry to articles. Her published works include, ‘The Home of an Immigrant’s Daughter’ in the Art Catalogue for the 2012 Dublin Biennial, Dublin, Ireland and ‘Hidden Beauty Reveals Itself (Intellect Vs Instinct)’ in the Art Catalogue for the 2011 Florence Biennale VIII, Florence, Italy.