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I Have a Nice Rack But No One Wants to Touch It: Confessions of a Sexually Starved "Hottie."

I have a nice rack. It's basically a fact. And that rhyme is whiggity wack! Okay all joking aside:  Being in possession of said nice rack from the tender age of 13 I must admit I have misused it from time to time, yes sometimes it can be a crutch and used for the powers of evil!  By evil, of course I mean getting things for free that other less fortunate women not in possession of a nice rack must pay for: Drinks, free oil changes, backstage passes (yes I am serious),  free Starbucks (yes coffee!). Oh the list could go on and actually it does go on. So logic would dictate that if nothing else, my rack would allow me to excel in the dating world and in turn in the hot loving/make out world. It's really a simple mathematical equation: If B (breasts) then C (copious making out).

So then gentle readers ask me the last time I had a date and I will honestly and happily tell you, “Last week”.  I can and will go on about the awesome Sushi we had, how the conversation just flowed, how I got a little tipsy off too many Kirins and I will probably smile as I recount play by the play the first two thirds of the night. Just don't ask me about the last third because you will probably be in for a scowl and silence. Why this silence you ask? Well ask me the last time I got hot and heavy and got past first base and I will sadly but honestly tell you, “Umm?”  “Umm” of course meaning I have no idea, meaning it has been a long time.

I don't know where I went wrong but for the past six months, except for one short two- week long oasis of totally respectable sexual activity I have gotten no play. Wait let me re-phrase that: I get play. Let's not shortchange my skills here!   Rather I get polite play. I get Disney Pixar, G-rated play. I get “It was really nice to meet you we should totally do this again”, play! And they mean it, it's like they really want to get to know me! What gives? Am I throwing out too much of a “respectable” vibe? Does dating morph into this after the age of 30? In the back of my mind I hear these men chanting the classic 80's lyrics of Jermaine Stewart lyrics, “Come on baby, wont you show some class, why you want to move so fast? We don't have to take our clothes off, to have a good time…” Really is this even politically correct of me to write about? Well if it is not I do not even care at this point. This is a dating site for crying out loud and if anyone tells you that hoping for a hot and heavy make-out session is not one of the main goals of dating, then they are a filthy liar. That and they are probably one of the people I have been dating. (See Sushi date previously referenced).

Please do not get me wrong, like everyone else out there I would love to find “The One”, to be in love, to have a steady Saturday night date partner, but more importantly to have someone that was obligated to make out with me on a regular basis, who knows maybe even…GASP… “Do It” with me from time to time! Until then me and my nice rack will continue to drive home frustrated and alone from all these awesomely G-rated dates.

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One Comment

  1. Uh, you're a dude? Okay, well, that's the problem, guy. Most gals don't like their men with "nice racks". 😉

    I can't only presume this is a mistake, that they put the wrong author info on this page.

    Okay, QUIT YER BITCHIN'. Sheeh! We finally mature as a gender and desire a woman for more than her "rack" and what happens? Whine, whine, whine because we're not jumping on your rack. If you want some "play" put out the signals. I have a feeling the problem is, you're used to not putting out any signals and having guys rush you anyway, and now you're running with a more mature crowd and that isn't happening. Welcome to the thirty-somethings.

    Flirt, wear something low cut, touch him a lot (hand, arm, face) flip your hair a few times, it'll happen. You're entering the dead zone though. You know that, right? Over thirty for women is not exactly fantasy territory for men. Men fantasize about women under the age of 25, unless we're under 25 and then they fantasize (some of them) for an older woman. This is why cougars are into younger men, it's not that they particularly want a younger man, it's that older men (who can choose) choose younger women. So, they're stuck with hooking up with younger guys that want an older-woman-story for their repertoire.

    Racks start sagging at 30. It's physics and nature. So, if a guy can choose between a perky, firm rack with that new-titty smell still on it, or an older model that has begun to sag and has high mileage, he's choosing the newer model. Every. Single. Time. Sorry for stretching the metaphor there.

    So, start dating younger guys or put out stronger signals, because the days of you pretending you don't want it and guys rushing you anyway… are over.

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