When you do the social media for a worldwide online dating site, getting bombarded with dating questions from friends and strangers alike comes with the territory and for the most part, it's awesome. What's not so awesome is when I hear someone complain and whine about the state of their dating life without doing anything about it. You know, the standard “I attract the worst guys in the world” or “All women are evil” excuses. Yes, some guys are assholes. Sure, some women don't know what they want and may or may not be crazy. And bad dates? Get used to them. Instead of blaming your unhappiness on the actions of others people, focus on the one and only thing you can control…yourself.
Here's how.
Stop taking the whole thing so seriously. Ok, so you dated three jerks in a row? The sky is not going to fall and this does not mean that you are destined to be alone forever. Instead of sitting back and going down the rabbit hole, take an honest look why you might be meeting so many less than desirable characters. Step back! Are you hanging out at places where these types of people run rampant? Are there any characteristics that attract you to them in the first place? Change breeds change, so if you want to meet different people, you've got to start doing different things.
Next, instead of waiting for non-jerks or emotionally stable women to approach you (because let's face it, we don't always have that kind of time amirite?) take matters into your own hands. Send a first email on an online dating site. Buy a drink for an attractive stranger at a bar-yes, ladies you can do this too! By you approaching them first, it won't guarantee that they will be the person you've been looking for, but by being the one who is in charge it will prevent you from feeling like a victim of your dating bad luck. Everything, even rejection, is better when it's on your own terms.
Finally, dig deep. Sometimes people who have a laundry list of excuses why dating isn't working out for them are simply not ready to be in a relationship. The reasons could be endless, but focusing on the negative aspects of dating is a self fulling prophecy. The more you bitch and moan about how you're going to be alone forever, the higher your chances of that happening. Maybe you're still getting over an ex, or perhaps you subconsciously choose to date men who make you feel like crap. We all have our own baggage, the key is learning how to move past it and not allowing it to define your future.
Lastly, maintain your sense of humor about the dating game. It's not always going to be sunshine and unicorns, kiddos, but just like with anything in life it is what you make of it. Remember that every bad date is just another story to tell to your friends. Consider it your new party trick, and keep moving onto the next.
Signup for Our Newsletter
Love this! Yes! As much as we wish Mr. Right would fall into our laps, he’ll never come. Love is a risks, that means you have to be willing to put yourself out there.
Also, if the majority of the people you attract are emotionally unavailable or deadbeats… chances are high that there is something about YOU that’s attracting them. Instead of bitching about WHY this keeps happening to you, dig deep and uncover what YOU”RE doing to attract these dead end relationships. This is a great post with an even better message:)
Thanks guys!
@Mika, YES! So very true! It’s easy to blame outside factors, but usually we hold the answer as to why we keep dating the wrong people, etc!
I like that down to earth attitude. Dating should be casual and carefree to some extent. And the truth is, having an intense approach to dating could scare of potential mates. And yeah, letting people come to you rules out the cream of the crop in your eyes.