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Relationship Advice That Never Goes Out of Style

Relationships are hard and they are tricky. We know we have to work at them and just because it's broke doesn't mean you ditch it. I've collected and listed out some things that I hold as truisms. Some of these are well-known bits of wisdom, some are my own, but all are whimsically presented here for you. Maybe they help and provide some insight. Feel free to provide your own in the comments section.

  1. In a fight with your lover, remember that there's a problem to be solved. Attack the problem and not each other.
  2. Checking in, from time to time, with how you are feeling about the relationship is healthy. Pick a day and instead of going out and doing something fun, you talk about how you each feel about the relationship.
  3. Speak up. I struggle with this one. When I speak up about what bothers me I feel better and I feel relieved. It serves to bring you both closer together.
  4. Peoples' actions tell the story, not their words. Pay attention to what people do.
  5. Being vulnerable is hard, for sure. Your vulnerability can build trust between two people and sometimes you need to put yourself out there if you want things to advance. Yes, that means you could get hurt. That's life.
  6. Be a partner. Find a partner and not your parents or someone who will pick up after you.
  7. Find someone you'd want to share a midnight snack with. Interpret that however you like.
  8. Love is insane and it is crazy. You never act like yourself. Understand that and be ready to forgive yourself and also your lover when things go bat shit crazy.
  9. You don't physically harm one another. Ever.
  10. Listen. I mean really, really listen. Whatever it is it's there.
  11. Whatever will be will be.
  12. That saying about letting setting something free is pretty spot on. Sometimes people have to find their own path. If it leads back to you, party on Wayne! If you let someone go and they come back to you, it's worth working on.
  13. One of the hardest things to learn is knowing when done is really done.
  14. They who love first has it the worst. That thing about the person who cares the least has the most power in a relationship is totally true.
  15. No one can save you, but they can help lift you up if you let them!
  16. Sometimes YOU are the asshole. Say you're sorry.
  17. Understand that you'll fuck up. A lot! Learn to say that you're sorry, remember number 16.
  18. Being with someone because you're afraid to be alone is an awful thing to sentence yourself to, and even worse for your lover.
  19. Learn how to enjoy being alone and not having to need someone.
  20. Be the kind of person you'd matchmake your loved ones with.
  21. Speaking your mind doesn't make you an asshole. Being disrespectful of your lover's feelings does.
  22. Don't do something special for your lover because of the affection you want to receive. Do something special because it “just feels” like the right thing to do. Also known as “just because.”
  23. Don't stop dating. It's easy to let life take over but it's important to do things that are new and fun together.
  24. Ask your loved one for advice on something that is hard or embarrassing for you to deal with.
  25. It's important to be able to give love. It's just as important to be able to receive love, too.
  26. Kenny Roger's was right, in The Gambler. “You gotta know when to hold em, know when to fold em, and know when to walk away.”
  27. State your intentions, that sort of helps explain even the most bone-headed of actions.
  28. Spontaneity. Do it. Once a month, twice a year, whatever. Just do it.
  29. Don't take yourself too seriously and don't be afraid of looking dumb or silly. You're human. You're dumb and silly already.
  30. It's going to be okay, and it will work itself out or it won't and you will go on.
  31. “Life is better with a co-pilot,” but not necessary. Learn to live happily and adventurously on your own.
  32. Respect is a two-way street. No two ways about it.
  33. They may leave you, they may not. They may love you, they may not. Either way, it's okay. Believe it.
  34. Do stupid things together. That's the stuff life experiences are made of. Go on, tee-pee that house! Make those awful shirts with your faces on them! I double dog dare you!!
  35. If a person threatens to leave you, step aside and let them go. They just weeded your garden for you.
  36. Collaboration, not competition.
  37. Celebrate each other's imperfections, just try not to be a dick about it.
  38. It should always be about what you want to do and not what you have to do. For instance, you HAVE to pay taxes. You don't have to love someone.
  39. Don't keep score. Ever.
  40. Don't bring up the past in your fight, you can't fix that. You can fix your future, though. Work on that.
  41. Sometimes love isn't enough.
  42. Sometimes you are not the right person for your lover.
  43. You should know what each other's dealbreakers are before you move in together and also before your third or fourth date.
  44. That whole thing about not going to bed angry is real. Don't do that!
  45. Is your lover a fucking weirdo? Good! Love them for it, because you're a fucking weirdo, too!
  46. Find someone that you can get weird with.
  47. When you find someone you love and want to “get weird with,” it's natural to want to possess them; to be in control of the relationship. Fight this urge with every fiber of your being. No one is meant to be possessed.
  48. Be their advocate and their voice when they cannot speak for or help themselves.
  49. If you fuck up, own up. Even if it means your relationship is over. You owe them your honesty.
  50. “Love is a temporary madness, it erupts like volcanoes and then subsides. And when it subsides, you have to make a decision. You have to work out whether your roots have so entwined together that it is inconceivable that you should ever part. Because this is what love is. Love is not breathlessness, it is not excitement, it is not the promulgation of promises of eternal passion, it is not the desire to mate every second minute of the day, it is not lying awake at night imagining that he is kissing every cranny of your body. No, don't blush, I am telling you some truths. That is just being “in love”, which any fool can do. Love itself is what is left over when being in love has burned away, and this is both an art and a fortunate accident.” — Captain Corelli's Mandolin
Author Profile

Alex is the founder and managing editor at the Urban Dater. Alex also runs: DigiSavvy, for which he is the co-founder and Principal. Alex has a lot on his mind. Will he ever get it right? If he does, he'll be sure to write.

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