Don't be a Douche Nozzle. Be Supportive n' Stuff.

Are you supportive of your partner's goals or are you being selfish?

There’s much to be said about being the single mingler. I know this because I was that person for a very, very long time. I came to grow very fond of being single because I learned to make the most of it. However, being in a relationship is a whole other ball of wax for obvious reasons, or maybe not so obvious reasons.

I enjoy the relationship I’m in. I really do have a partner in crime. My girlfriend is also my best buddy. She knows everything I’m into. She pays attention; sometimes she pays too much attention. I can’t blame her. I’m a hot tamale kids, but that’s not what Big Papa Al is talking about today.

I guess what I’m getting at is that when you’re in a relationship you’re building a partnership. That’s something that’s becoming more and more apparent to me lately. You see, we keep our eyes on the prize; we’re moving forward. Ideally, we’d like our partner to be right there with us, moving forward as well. Life doesn’t always make it easy or even possible at times.

My girl and I were hanging out when she sat by me and told me something to the effect of “Honey, we can’t be going out eating and drinking as much as we do.” Her concerns were multi faceted. One was health and the other was money. I think my gal is svelte and she kicks too much ass in my opinion (she dusts me when we go running. So not even funny) but she has a standard for herself and has set the proverbial bar; literally throwing down the gauntlet on my “Chucks.” Not to say that she’s giving me an ultimatum or anything like that. Simply, she let me know that she was going to really hold herself to this standard of going out less and be more responsible in that manner and was asking for my support.

At first, I was kinda pissed off. “What the hell does this have to do with me??” That was what I thought. I was irritated. However, the more I thought about it, the guiltier I felt. I was contributing and encouraging my girlfriend to go out and drink and eat meals out more frequently, which was bringing her short of her personal goals. For me, dining and drinking is an experience to be shared. Thus, I like finding new, hip and interesting places to go eat and/or drink. My girl is more functional in this manner; more of an “eat to live” mentality if you will. That’s not to say she doesn’t enjoy these experiences. She does, just in more moderation than me. I felt like I was failing her, though.

I took this to heart. I decided I was going to be supportive and do what needed to be done not just for her, but for me, too. I could stand to lose some beer from the old coffers and spend less money, too. I’m only a  thounsandaire after all.

Drinking and going out isn't always the most fun

One of the things that I’m always trying to do is push forward, to advance my interests professionally and personally, whatever they might be. Also, I understand that this applies romantically. So I should respect and appreciate that my girl is doing the same; moving ahead. I should BE supportive and so shall I be.

Not only is important to be supportive of your partner’s goals and initiatives. It’s important that they have them to begin with! Ambition, drive and desire they’re key traits to have, but also key to have them aligned with one another. Your ambition and desire may be to raise a family, or to restore an old beat up car. Your partner should be right there with you physically, emotionally or both, even if they may not be doing the grunt work with you.

At the very least they should be on the sidelines cheering you on, or taunting you; and taunting your probably deserve or else you wouldn’t be reading this damned post in the first place.

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Alex is the founder and managing editor at the Urban Dater. Alex also runs: DigiSavvy, for which he is the co-founder and Principal. Alex has a lot on his mind. Will he ever get it right? If he does, he'll be sure to write.

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  1. Excellent fucking post!!! Seriously. No lie. You almost. Kind of. I mean only for a second. But still a second. Made me think about the reasons I think there is still a possibility I could want a long term relationship. I mean don't get me wrong. Not anytime soon. But to have me thinking about it. And not even in a "I might want that" kind of way. But in a "I think I could enjoy that" kind of way. That's a big deal. So yeah. Top notch.

    1. Oh my goodness! The language! =)
      Thanks so much, doll. You know, relationships are a lot like produce: Best when organic. That is, when you grow into a relationship and you don't rush it, it tends to be… Better? I think so. It's just something you build up over time. It is a very organic process unfettered by rushing, pushing or some sense of urgency. It just is what it is and develops on its own. So, when you're ready, a relationship is fucking excellent.

      Word. =)

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