How Do YOU Like Your Fetishes? Kinky? Furry? Or Yo Mama?

In the classy tradition of the Urban Dater, we included “Yo Mama” in today's post title. I know, I know; pretty effing brilliant! Right? No? Well, yo mama's so ugly that Nabisco uses her face as a cookie cutter to make gorilla cookies. I snicker a little bit every time, when I recite that one. Thanks to Mr. Summers, at F*cking in Brooklyn.

Anyway, much has been made of Fetishes in the last month or so by the good folks at @metanotherfrog and the Lovely @winkwinkzoe, on her blog. It's an interesting topic because fetishes are something we all have, whether we're aware of them or not. The variable here is the, how to say this PC? The variable in one's fetish is the uniqueness. There. Did I do that well? It got me to thinking about what mine, might be. While I mentioned the good folks at Met Another Frog, it seems I share a common interest with The Man Sam Sharpe and the inherent love we have for a little pain with our pleasure. That's not too far out there, but, let me tell you, there's some weird fetishes out there. The question I pose is this: Why do we have them?

Think about your fetish. What is it? Go on, you don't have to share with us or anything, but I'd double dog dare you to!

That said, in talking with Zoe Blue she's known some guys with some very unique fetishes in on of her posts she expands on this. I suggest you read it and the comments, too, for some more good stuff. It's interesting finding out the things that “get us off,” if not a bit (or extremely) creepy; but hey! Who are we to judge? I mean, we don't necessarily CHOOSE our fetishes. Do we?

We're slaves to nature. No matter how modern, advanced or techie we become, we simply cannot ignore the urges imprinted within us during our formative development.

To be clear, I do believe that fetishes and fantasies are two very different animals, so to speak. I think a fantasy is something you develop over time, as you've matured and are able to interpret and apply sexual meaning to something you perceive. A fetish on the other hand is something you just have; it's something that you may not realize when it started. I posed this question to some of my friends and asked: “Do you have a fetish?” They all answered “yes.” I then asked when they decided to have that fetish. None of them had an answer. They just had it, much like a birth mark. I found that interesting only because I can relate to that, yet I'd never paid it much thought before.

The other night I was hanging out with my girlfriend at a birthday party. There was this guy there, Raffi (if you want to think that Raffi is the children's song writer, then by all means, please do. It serves only to make this story all the more creepy, which I totally approve of), who works as a sexual behavioral analyst at UCLA Medical. Thank you UCLA for having this position! As Raffi and I were exchanging stories about sexual related information and experiences (this was within ten minutes of “What's up? I'm Alex”) we got onto the topic of why you sometimes find women wearing barely any clothes at the bar or club. Raffi offered an interesting stat line: “It's a statistical fact that the women who are wearing barely anything at the bar or club is the woman who is most likely ovulating.” Truly Raffi's info was a “The More You Know” moment ripped from the Saturday Morning Cartoon time slots of more innocent days… My point? We're slaves to nature. No matter how modern, advanced or techie we become, we simply cannot ignore the urges imprinted within us during our formative development.

We moved on to fetishes next. Why do we have them? At some point in our lives, almost certainly in our developmental stages, as children, we experience a particular event and some how attach a strong sexual emotion, or some sort of sexual context to it. This was the explanation that was given to me. Thus the response to a fetish triggers such a strong reaction, almost like the smell of a grandparents house, when you're a kid. It's “baked” within you.

So in Zoe's case, her guy that has the knitting fetish, Talib, may not know of anyone who knits in his life. However, there's a very likely possibility that his curiosity and eventual fetish started at a very young age. It's certainly possible he may have associated the act of knitting with a foot fetish as a small child, which developed over time. I know when I was a child I had such a fetish, which didn't follow me into my adulthood. I find that curious in and of itself.

As a kid, I horse played and wrestled around with other kids. That's what rambunctious kids do. As a child it's likely that I associated this act of wrestling around with girls in a sexual manner, even though I clearly wouldn't know how to interpret such a thing in the first place, at that age. Is that how we all develop a fetish? I couldn't say for sure, but in the brief interviews I had with my friends, the evidence I collected would certainly indicate that they formed their fetish as children and it then manifested itself over the passage of time.

So, are you brave enough to share your fetish and when you recall your first strong reaction to it? Share in the comments below.