Ask the Urban Dater: How Do I Get a Guy to Stop Calling Me So Much?

Today's edition of “Ask the Urban Dater” is brought to you by THIS GUY and Ms. Taylorcast. So we received a question from the lovely @ichristine (by the way, how many tweeps did you have to eliminate for that username?) the other day: “So this guy keeps calling & texting me ALL the time. I like him, but it's way too much. How do I get him to stop w/o hurting his feelings?”

Yannibmbr aka Alex aka The Urban Dater

How to get a guy to stop calling you so often? Well, dear, you've asked just the right guy. Let me tell you how to achieve this, these steps are fool-proof.

  • Start taking a lot of steroids and other testosterone supplements. You'll soon grow facial hair, achieve muscularity rivaling Lou Ferrigno. Unless this guy has a very niche love for hyper-muscular hairy women he should stop calling you.
  • Return the favor. That is, for every one of his calls, call him twice! The classic case of fighting fire with fire. It doesn't matter if you don't have a reason to call or if you have nothing to talk about. Schedule text messages to be sent at outrageous and inconvenient times. I would be less than happy with receiving hundreds of text messages in an hour's time… at 3am. Just saying.
  • Cry. Randomly cry about something; anything will do. The dealership down the street moved. Cry about it! Your neighbor said something nice to you. Cry about it! When the sun sets or rises, cry about it! The purpose of random water-works is to make the guy think you're crazy and surely, he'll stop calling you.  However, many men hold on to theory that crazy women=crazy good sex… Which reminds me…
  • Tell him you don't like sex.

Now, given that you like this guy the methods above probably won't do. My take is that the guy is  genuinely excited about you and he doesn't know how to handle it, so he's getting all up in your personal space.  It is his inability to properly curb his enthusiasm that is at issue and part of that, I feel, comes from a need to feel reassured.

Once upon a time I was seeing this one women that I thought was pretty awesome. We had been out a couple times, but, man, did she suck at callbacks and returning my texts. I didn't over do it, but I'd joke with her about her lack of communication. Yeah, I was passive aggressive. Then, on the phone she told me that she enjoyed spending time and talking with me and that she was excited too, she just didn't have a lot of time to communicate with me as much as she'd like. “Cool,” I thought. I was reassured and I let it go.

TaylorCast – In my opinion a man I am into calling too much has never been an issue. It seems to be the ones I am lukewarm about that call/text/email too frequently.  Once a man I had been on one date with texted relentlessly, then when I didn't respond he would email, DM me on Twitter and write on my facebook wall. He never once picked up the phone. But he did spam himself right out of my life.

We are all so incredibly connected now through text, Twitter, facebook, foursquare, etc., that it's easy to get overloaded when dating. It's not very common for people to pick up the phone and call. So personally I welcome it when a man calls.

There is good guideline to follow in the beginning. You don't need to talk every day. You had a life before you met this person continue it. Infatuation makes us want to constantly communicate with the object of our affection. I think it's best to keep controlled. If the person you are into is overloading you the best way to handle it is to be honest. Let them know you enjoy hearing from them but calls all the time can kill the attraction. Leave some mystery, someone can't miss you if you are always in their face.

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3 Comments

  1. I have to say…I would guess the asker of this question…doesn't really like the fella…like Taylor said…lukewarm feelings.

    I've had my share of over-callers. But ya know what. No one ever called, texted, pursued me more than Mega Love. The love of my life. The guy who turned a total Tin Man into a romantic (well as romantic as I could get). So while I think relationships etc. take time to develop. All the bullshit stuff doesn't end up mattering when you really like the person. I know that I did numerous ridiculous crazy chick things that he could have seen as dealbreakers. But he knew they were just me being awkward, uncertain and inexperienced in love.

    When it's right it's right. And you want him to call. When it's lukewarm it's like bath water and you won't want to sit in there too long.

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