5 Signs That He’s Not Looking for a Relationship (at least not from you)

He's not looking for a relationship
credit – He's Just Not That Into You

His profile says “seeking relationship” but his behaviors tell another story. He might not be lying either. Maybe he really is looking for that special someone, but in meantime he might be just as happy with that non-special someone’s sweet ass. As humans in the dating world, it’s not uncommon to get side-tracked by desire or fickle from the frustration. Sometimes we just want to get laid, just kind of get that out of the way, so we can go on and focus, again, on finding relationship-guy/girl. So how can you tell which path you are on with him? Here are five signs that he’s not looking for a relationship, at least not with you:

Haphazard Contact

He might text you one day, call you the next and then drop off the face of the earth for a while before popping back up on your radar like nothing ever happened. You might meet for drinks, then talk the next day, then text later that night, and then nothing again for a week. If he isn’t checking in with you on a regular basis then he’s probably nothing thinking about you on a regular basis either. Chances are he’s playing the field and still searching for whatever it is he’s after which means he didn’t find it in you. That’s okay. But you need to be aware that the time you spend with him isn’t going to lead to a relationship. It’s just going to be more time that you spend with him and not with your next boyfriend.

The Dates Don’t Evolve

If all you do together is meet up at a local bar for drinks and conversation, then he probably isn’t trying to build a relationship with you. Think about it. When you are building a foundation for a relationship, it usually involves interacting on different levels, like going to a show instead of the bar or having breakfast instead of dinner or hiking instead of watching a movie. You want to enjoy this person in other ways and see how he or she handles different situations. You want to meet his friends and family and introduce him to yours. So if those dates are not evolving than neither is that relationship.

Last-Minute Man

Do most of your dates happen at the last minute? Does he text you at 8pm and ask if you want to meet up for drinks later? Or maybe he just invites you to meet him at the bar he’s already been hanging out at for the past two hours. Even if he’s not trying to take you home at the end of the night, he’s still treating your interaction like an after-thought. When a guy is investing his heart in you, he will also be investing his time and attention by planning ahead and putting some thought into you being with him. A last-minute date is not lasting long.

Sex Sex Sex

If he’s having more sex with you than dates with you, then he’s probably getting exactly what he wants. The rules on when to hop in the sack are really up for debate. But if that’s all he ever wants to do with you now, then that’s probably all he plans to do with you in the future.

The Writing on the Wall

Some guys, maybe even most of them under the right circumstances, will be up front about their intentions. So if he tells you he’s not looking for a relationship, then he’s not and you shouldn’t expect to change his mind, no matter how awesome you are. If you aren’t sure, just ask. And then heed the warnings above.

So the next time you find yourself wondering what the hogwash is going on, take a moment to reflect and be honest with yourself about what you see. We can sometimes add meaning or back-story to situations and events almost without realizing it. It might hurt to admit the truth about your current crush, but not as much as looking back and adding up the time you wasted vying for a relationship that was never going to happen. You deserve better than that.

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3 Comments

  1. what if you already have 4 kids and he’s still not marrying you? does this mean he doesn’t have the intention to marry me because he is, until now, still looking for that something that he can’t see in me?

    1. A person has to look at the actions of their partner. Do their actions bring you closer together (progress) or push you further apart… Actions tell the truth.

  2. This is an engaging and interesting post to read, and I very much appreciate the truthful writing from Sam, a presumably male author. So often a female’s dating advice is given by the same sex and I find this bias and nurturing advice can often be to console me rather than advise me.

    Though I am a female, I can relate strongly to the words written as it does take time to date around and find Mr. Right. There is no guarantee in life that everyone will like you, especially enough to enter a relationship with you. So, it is important to date and meet new people in the search for the one. Unfortunately this can result in others hurt feelings or even your own, so be kind.

    Considering casual dating is so often done on dating apps now and dating apps matches are very superficial and surface level, often based purely on looks, there is no guarantee when you match with someone there will be a deep connection.

    While I wish openness and honestly were a requirement for dating apps, and some people are transparent, it’s important to keep in mind, you may just be someone’s temporary fun.

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