How the Non-Date Date Creates a Genuine Dating Experience

Dating is weird, and it's awkward. The biggest problem with dating is the fact that we call it “dating.” When we call a random meeting with a stranger a “date” it provides pretense, and that has a way of making things weird.

We behave entirely differently than we would if we were just out for a casual get together. When you're out with our friends having some beers, playing volleyball at the beach, or whatever social, recreational activities you enjoy, you're relaxed, comfortable, and you're able to be yourself and not care what anyone thinks, right? The reason you're cooler, funnier, and more comfortable with yourself when you're out with friends is that the meaning you give it when you go out.

Think about it: Why are you meeting up with friends? (What is the purpose?) To have fun, joke around, and do the things you love to do in life. There's no outcome other than to enjoy yourself. There's no pressure to impress your friends or make them like you; you're there simply to enjoy yourself. By setting up a “date” with a girl, the motivation is that you're both getting together so you can try to seduce her and by the end of the night she'll pick whether or not you will be getting any play. When girls are put into these dating situations, they start to behave according to all these rules that society tries to force them to conform to, and they stop just having fun and hanging out with their friends and having fun. For instance, those rules like “no kissing on the first date” and “no sex until the fourth date” come up.

Modern dating is hard! It's not the same today as it was before the advent of smartphones and the internet, where singles often dated people who lived in the same neighborhood. There are so many rules that we have to be aware of now, and people latch on to those standards because they seem to alleviate social anxiety that comes from meeting someone new. Maybe you've heard some of these rules or even abide them: No kissing on the first date, no sex until the third or fourth date, don't talk about exes or failed relationships, walk curbside, etc., etc. With these rules in mind, along with the sheer power of choices for partners at our disposal, it's amazing anyone ever goes on a date at all. It's confusing and petrifying! Should you say this or that? Should you not worry about it and just speak up? Should you go for the kiss? Should you arrange that second date? Frankly, folks, it's exhausting.

What if we took a step back before we went on that date and put this meeting into another context?

Let's compare traditional dating with the non-date approach to dating

Traditional Date Non-Date

There's a lot of pressure not to fail because you both know that unless you play your cards totally right, you're going home alone.

There's no pressure because nothing is at stake. You're out with friends relaxing and having a good time!

• If she flakes on you, your plans for the night are ruined.
• If she flakes, that doesn't affect anything because you'll still hang out with your friends and have a very good time.

• It's just you and her, locked in together all night. If she's annoying, you're stuck with her and can't escape.
• You bring her into your world where you are comfortable with your friends, giving her a chance to see you at your best.

• You meet up with her and spend the night getting to know her.
• If you choose, you invite her and several other girls you know out, and you spend the night with all of those girls and your friends.

• You gotta pay for dinner, movie, and all the costs of dating.
• You pick up a few beers and party in your friend's backyard, or hang out at the beach to play Frisbee for either free or a fraction of the price.

So let's say you've met a girl and you want to employ this social get together formula.

There are a few approaches you can take:

1. The Invite – Send out a text, create a Facebook event, or tell the people you know in person. Pretty simple and something you may have tried already. This is effective, but nowhere near as effective as the Personal Invite which I will describe next.

2. The Personal Invite – From my experiences in promoting nightclubs, the most efficient way to bring people to your social activities is calling them personally to let them know about a get together you're having. At first, when I started promoting, I would send out a mass text, do a Facebook event, or let everyone I talked to know I was having a party. However, when I tried calling up people personally to let them know about the event, the results were phenomenal. The turnout of my parties was exceptionally higher. I'd recommend you do both, but the personal invite is a powerful technique to combine with your invites.

3. Social Offer – This is a type of invite where when you get a call or text from a girl asking you what you're up to, you just let them know that you're going to be doing something social and she's welcome to come along. This works well because it's not- threatening, it's unattached, and you're bringing her into your world. The main strength with the non-date date is that you break free from that mold of the traditional “date” giving you the chance to be yourself in an environment where you'd be doing what you love to be doing anyways. With the non-date, you are still doing everything you'd be doing. You're building an attractive lifestyle, and you're bringing beautiful women along with you into that way of life.

If you want to learn more about how to be successful at dating then visit

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  1. Ewww… this is why modern “courtship” sucks. A “date” where you’re just hanging out with a guy and a bunch of his friends drinking beer in someone’s backyard while they tell inside jokes/stories and you stand there awkwardly? And you’re suggesting that he invite a bunch of other women he’s trying to bang on this “non-date” too? How do you even get to know one another without spending one on one time together? If a guy tried to pull some lazy, selfish f*ckboy crap like this on me instead of taking me on a proper date, I would delete him from my life completely.

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